Why is it so necessary to spare a person's feelings?
Monday, February 9, 2009 by The Knowledgemonger
It seems that most lies that I have encountered in my life were told by people who claimed that they didn't want to hurt someone's feelings. This situation I have never understood. I have found that the opposite ends up being quite true.
Take for instance a situation where someone is supposed to have a birthday dinner and has invited you to attend. The day of you text with them and they are giving you the run around about it saying that his friends aren't getting it together properly and that his mother has decided to cook for him and that is what he is going to do instead. Okay fine his friends must suck...but, wait you have met his friends and you know that they do not suck, quite opposite to that they seem to get things together pretty well. So, you start to not believe this situation and already formulate that you have been dis invited, because said person's ex is there and he doesn't want it to be uncomfortable, etc. But, you forgive that and just deal with it as it is. But, then a few weeks later you get conformation of this lie, because his friends being the great people they are put up pics of the event on facebook and you are now friends with them on this lie-catching network. (yes, this does happen)
Do you confront these situations? Do they make you question other times that this person has canceled on you? the answer to both questions for me is a resounding YES. If you do not confront the situation you fail to allow the relationship of any sort with this person from growing. a) Did they lie just because they were trying to make something more comfortable? b) Are they playing you? c) They need to know that you are rather good at detecting lies and that doing so is pointless d) Lying about anything to make someone feel better does not work with all people. e) Do you even want to progress further with this person?
I am in touch with my emotions and regardless of someone's intentions I am going to feel the way I feel do to my reactions on a situation. Further I have come to notice that the times that I have the hardest time dealing with my emotions is when I suspect the truth is not being told to me. So, stop trying to spare my feelings! Tell me the truth, I'm a big boy I can handle it.
Take for instance a situation where someone is supposed to have a birthday dinner and has invited you to attend. The day of you text with them and they are giving you the run around about it saying that his friends aren't getting it together properly and that his mother has decided to cook for him and that is what he is going to do instead. Okay fine his friends must suck...but, wait you have met his friends and you know that they do not suck, quite opposite to that they seem to get things together pretty well. So, you start to not believe this situation and already formulate that you have been dis invited, because said person's ex is there and he doesn't want it to be uncomfortable, etc. But, you forgive that and just deal with it as it is. But, then a few weeks later you get conformation of this lie, because his friends being the great people they are put up pics of the event on facebook and you are now friends with them on this lie-catching network. (yes, this does happen)
Do you confront these situations? Do they make you question other times that this person has canceled on you? the answer to both questions for me is a resounding YES. If you do not confront the situation you fail to allow the relationship of any sort with this person from growing. a) Did they lie just because they were trying to make something more comfortable? b) Are they playing you? c) They need to know that you are rather good at detecting lies and that doing so is pointless d) Lying about anything to make someone feel better does not work with all people. e) Do you even want to progress further with this person?
I am in touch with my emotions and regardless of someone's intentions I am going to feel the way I feel do to my reactions on a situation. Further I have come to notice that the times that I have the hardest time dealing with my emotions is when I suspect the truth is not being told to me. So, stop trying to spare my feelings! Tell me the truth, I'm a big boy I can handle it.
