Forceful at Best
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 by The Knowledgemonger
Sometimes I just have to sit down and force myself to write about things. To write about the its, the yous and the thous in my life. To write about the places to which my mind has escaped for a time. To write something, anything that seems to resonate with something that sounds of feeling and doesn't feel contrived.
But, there are those days that nothing wants to come out. The days when everything wants to stay hidden away from the world. The days when I feel like everything that I am writing is meaningless and tiresome. The days that I think that you may read this post and say: "He's lost his mind", "He needs to not talk about me so much", "He has no clue what is going on around him."
That was were I was. I couldn't make sense of a lot of things. Typically this causes great strife within me. Surprisingly, this time, it was not like that. This time I was in good spirits, just with nothing of great importance to contribute. Then came today...or rather yesterday.
I realized that I had learned something in the last few weeks...well, 2 things to be precise:
1) To not take anything personally.
2) To not make assumptions.
I have my aunt to thank for this...because, she gave me the book from which I learned these things for my 30th birthday. Yes, and I just got around to reading it. But, she never hounded me to do so. Like most things, she realized that I would get to it in my own time and that it would most likely be when I needed it most.
I used to take EVERYTHING personally. It made me really receptive to other people's images of who I was. Then, I realized (and actually thought about it recently) that I am the one who's opinion matters on all things that concern me directly. The gossip doesn't matter. The compliments do not matter. The criticism does not matter. It all only effects me to the level that I can feel these words.
This is not to say that compliments are not good or that criticism is not needed. It is to say that these are things to not take personally. This means that you should not take these words as a reason to change. If I am paid a compliment, it does not mean that the compliment is not valid on other days and that I should only look or act the way that I was looking or acting at that very moment. Criticism should not be taken as a personal attack because it is like a compliment and is a reflection of the other person's feelings about a situation and not about you...entirely. This is not to say that it is alright to do poorly unto others and not feel badly about it. It simply stated means that if it is something you know is an issue with yourself...fix it. Otherwise, realize that it was one situation and it is another person's feelings not yours.
Assumptions. There is a reason for the statement that "To assume is to make an ass out of you and me." We as people assume a lot and this is something with which I will struggle. I am a poker player, so a portion of that is building assumptions based around pattern recognition. But, in life, if we start to assume that we know the situation, we need to stop where we are going with it and have the courage to ask questions. Conversation is the greatest way to squash the assumptions. Most problems in this world are based around assumptions. People get married assuming that their principle of marriage is the same as their chosen partner's views on marriage. Only later to find that they do not have the same values assigned to that agreement.
I can look back at most of my blogs about "problems" and realize that a majority of them are based around my assumptions. Either, because I thought to much into a situation without seeking outside guidance or because I had no idea where things were at that given moment for someone else involved. So, don't be surprised, if I start asking more detailed questions of you.
But these are just my thoughts on the matter & it feels good to be back.
~L
But, there are those days that nothing wants to come out. The days when everything wants to stay hidden away from the world. The days when I feel like everything that I am writing is meaningless and tiresome. The days that I think that you may read this post and say: "He's lost his mind", "He needs to not talk about me so much", "He has no clue what is going on around him."
That was were I was. I couldn't make sense of a lot of things. Typically this causes great strife within me. Surprisingly, this time, it was not like that. This time I was in good spirits, just with nothing of great importance to contribute. Then came today...or rather yesterday.
I realized that I had learned something in the last few weeks...well, 2 things to be precise:
1) To not take anything personally.
2) To not make assumptions.
I have my aunt to thank for this...because, she gave me the book from which I learned these things for my 30th birthday. Yes, and I just got around to reading it. But, she never hounded me to do so. Like most things, she realized that I would get to it in my own time and that it would most likely be when I needed it most.
I used to take EVERYTHING personally. It made me really receptive to other people's images of who I was. Then, I realized (and actually thought about it recently) that I am the one who's opinion matters on all things that concern me directly. The gossip doesn't matter. The compliments do not matter. The criticism does not matter. It all only effects me to the level that I can feel these words.
This is not to say that compliments are not good or that criticism is not needed. It is to say that these are things to not take personally. This means that you should not take these words as a reason to change. If I am paid a compliment, it does not mean that the compliment is not valid on other days and that I should only look or act the way that I was looking or acting at that very moment. Criticism should not be taken as a personal attack because it is like a compliment and is a reflection of the other person's feelings about a situation and not about you...entirely. This is not to say that it is alright to do poorly unto others and not feel badly about it. It simply stated means that if it is something you know is an issue with yourself...fix it. Otherwise, realize that it was one situation and it is another person's feelings not yours.
Assumptions. There is a reason for the statement that "To assume is to make an ass out of you and me." We as people assume a lot and this is something with which I will struggle. I am a poker player, so a portion of that is building assumptions based around pattern recognition. But, in life, if we start to assume that we know the situation, we need to stop where we are going with it and have the courage to ask questions. Conversation is the greatest way to squash the assumptions. Most problems in this world are based around assumptions. People get married assuming that their principle of marriage is the same as their chosen partner's views on marriage. Only later to find that they do not have the same values assigned to that agreement.
I can look back at most of my blogs about "problems" and realize that a majority of them are based around my assumptions. Either, because I thought to much into a situation without seeking outside guidance or because I had no idea where things were at that given moment for someone else involved. So, don't be surprised, if I start asking more detailed questions of you.
But these are just my thoughts on the matter & it feels good to be back.
~L
