The Knowledgemonger Kronicles

A great start to the year 2009. I went shopping with the roomie at Tysons. Bought enough shirts to complete the winter wardrobe (w00t). After the shopping extravaganza, the roomie dropped me off at the metro and I headed into the city to meet up with The Diarist, Tuffie & a friend to watch the Caps take on the the Lightning. What an awesome game! A lot of violence (with the unfortunate side effect of a Tampa Bay player having to be taken off the ice on a stretcher), a lot of goal scoring and the Capitals increased the Eastern Conference Best Home Record to 16-1-1 with a 7-4 victory!

Thanks again guys for the invite, love you much. After the game I called the roomie, who still was not feeling well, so I stayed in the city with a friend and headed over to Cobalt, where I got to see another pack of friends.

So, I started the New Year with most of my friends, w00t and I hope that trend can continue throughout this coming year. :-)

Last night, I was by association invited to dine at Level One, the new restaurant that will be opening its doors to the public very, very soon.The restaurant is located on the first floor of the building that also houses Cobalt & 30 Degrees. Overall, for a employee opening it was a fantastic success. There were some minor critiques given to the management staff that I hope they take constructively.

The Cajun Chicken Sandwich, Burger with Gorgonzola Cheese & Pot Stickers were among the favorites for our table. Very good quality cheese is being used for the burgers and the taste was exquisite. The pot stickers were fried to perfection and the sauce accompanying it was delicious as well.

Only, food complaints from me were as follows: The calamari were just not right. They lacked the right flavor and the use of only the rings was just not getting it done for me. On an up note the chef was not particularly happy about this dish and seemed to take the feedback well. The Lemon-Caper Aioli was a good sauce to accompany calamari and I am hopeful that this dish will be improved when they are fully open. The bun for the burgers were burnt and I think that has to be stopped from making it to a table in such a state.

The staff, overall seems friendly, but I think further training in their respective areas will yield better results. No where on 17th Street do you get exceptional customer service at a restaurant and I think this leaves Level One with a fantastic opportunity to capitalize on this failure, just by being friendly. The host stand did not know exactly how to be the face of the restaurant and did not greet us in the most friendly of manners, which I hope is only because of the hecticness of the situation and not a foreshadow to future performance.

The night was a success and great times were had over a couple bottles of wine with good friends. I wish them good luck and hope to see a lot of success come from this space. Once their website is up and running I will give a link to it.

As many of you have come to know me, I am sure that you are realizing that I am a creature of emotion. I feel them, I sense them in others and I like discussions that bring them into play, in one form or another. This is not to say that I am ruled by my emotions. I do not use them as the sole reason for making any decision. As a youth, I stopped allowing myself to feel and dealt with everything in a rational, yet cold, manner. In my mid-to-late twenties, I allowed myself to feel too much and not rationalize at all, hopelessly romanticizing my existence. How did I transition through all of these phases? What caused each phase shift?

At the age of 13, my parents divorced, and I was uprooted and relocated to Delaware with my younger brothers and my mother. I had no desire to move from where I was already settled or be away from my father. The divorce was bitter and my mother used the fact that my dad left her as a tool to breed anger in her sons. I have resented her for this my entire life, though now I have an understanding of the her character and see why she thought it necessary, which I am not going to address.

This event catapulted me toward not feeling emotions and to become more of an adult and less a child at an age that I feel is too young to make that abrupt transition. I would not allow myself to become attached to anyone or anything on the chance that tomorrow they went away. I was also dealing with the fact that I was more attracted to guys than I was to girls. I existed in an emotional shell and most of my friends from that era would probably agree that they knew only two key things about me: I was intelligent & I was fast witted.

I did not cry between the ages of 13 and 22. I would not allow it to happen and feared the weakness that it would show. I felt these emotions inside of me that were conflicting with everything that seemed to be correct. I did not trust anyone. I did not take any chances. In short I did not live.

In June 1999, my mother told me she was going to sell the house that I was living in and that I would either need to move with her to Salisbury or that I would need to find some other living arrangement. I cracked. Later that night in the house that was my safe place, I cried for the first time for hours. It was the cracking of my shell of control, something that I had not experienced in my young life. Up to that point, I felt that I had ultimate control over everything that happened in my life.

This breaking did have a bit of an upside, I started feeling again. Not to say that I instantly changed my stoic ways, but rather began to progress into feeling emotions. A good thing, yes, but not a great thing. As an emotional sponge, I absorbed everything and took it to heart without ever filtering it through my brain. Movies made me cry, I fell in love instantly, by receiving the attention of another. I became the co-dependent in a relationship that almost destroyed me.

This relationship while short from a lifetime perspective was a significant turning point in my life and my growth. I fell in love with someone that may have loved me, but took advantage of the person that I was and the trust that I now automatically tossed to him. I don't know how many times I was betrayed in this relationship, but it was significant enough that after 18 months and one last betrayal it was time to call it quits. I left without discussion and had an emotional breakdown about a mile from home.

I returned to discuss the betrayal and decided that as a significant co-dependent that I still wanted to work through things. He, thankfully, said that he didn't love me and that he did not want to keep up the charade. The next day, while he was at work, I tried to kill the pain and myself. I took a enough Zoloft to kill a small pony and went to sleep. With great luck, I woke up with the worst headache of my life and stopped taking anti-depressants.

I moved out and moved on. I still had and have issues dealing with that failure of a relationship, but it woke up something within me that I can only describe as a mental filter. I allowed myself to feel emotions and started to learn how to deal with them. It took me a couple of years to be able to trust someone again.

I met Mitchell earlier this year and through his challenges on emotions and many other topics reminded me how to be me. After that reminder, I opened myself to trusting people again, some times maybe too much. Though I am no longer going to brood over someone's decisions and allow them to affect me for an extended period.

My friends help me to grow and learn. I am thankful everyday for the happiness and joy that they bring me, even when frustrating the hell out of each other. Keeping myself on track and understanding who I am will be a continual process. But, I know with my friends help, life will be grand.

I will trust, I will be betrayed, I will love, I will hurt and I will live. I know that I will continue to be plagued by the uncertainties of other people, but that's okay, because I know who I am, I know where I have been and I know, for the moment, where I am headed.

~L

If I don't have anything to report on Monday then I am just not trying hard enough...

Schedule of events:

Friday (Tonight)

Working at Town at the FroZone & Hopefully catching some of Round 2 of This Town Has Talent.

Saturday

Nothing until early evening planned but I should be gathering with a few friends as they gather for some pre-Town beverages.

Then it is on to Town, where I will be working upstairs in the typical corner and throwing drinks together for the masses.

Sunday

I hope to make an appearance at a Sunday Kegger

Catching Mario Spinetti at the Kennedy Center Millennium Stage at 6 PM

Then swingong on over to Sunday Night Karaoke!

WOOT!!!

See ya all oot & aboot!

~L

I want my filter back. This past week has provided me with some shocks that are not so pleasant. There was no winning this past week, so therefore now I learn and grow.

Something happened this week that should never have happened in the first place, but through a poor mix of situations, science and liquid inhibitors; it did. So, me being me I started dealing with it. Unfortunately there is another party involved and he is dealing with it differently, which makes anything good coming from adversity difficult. I am going to elaborate, me thinks, as best as I see fit without giving away the world to all of you.

I instigated crossing a line with a friend without having a conversation with this friend first. The next day, I completely regretted it and received an e-mail from this friend discussing how that we can't be more than friends and that we should just take what happened with a grain of salt. What was said in the e-mail, I respect and say as much when we IM after I read it. There is some light humor (typical of both of our personalities) and I leave it by saying that I still want to talk about a few things face-to-face (which is my preferred method of communication, it takes all the trickery of lack of inflection out of the picture).

I spend much of my time on Thursday analyzing my emotions through my process. 1) Is it logical to have the emotion?, 2) Is it positive to have the emotion? & 3) Is it the correct emotion overall? Yes, No, No. Are the short answers. (Detailed answers by appointment only) If the answer to any of the three questions is "no" then "Houston, we have a problem!"

Then comes Friday night, my friend doesn't go to a party, tells me he did perhaps to not have to deal with me and then thinks everything through and the lightheartedness of our prior conversation goes away. In fact, all conversation goes away. I received 3 text messages from this friend on Saturday and they were "No", "No" & "Ok". So, I only find out how he felt betrayed by reading about it elsewhere. Also, my true nature has now come in to question. And I can't do anything more than try to communicate, as I have done to get beyond this circumstance.

So, now here I am looking not only at this action but analyzing two things: What the hell happened with me last week that all kinds of discretion went flying out the window? & What do/did I want from that friendship? So, let's deal with the second question first.

I wanted a friend that it was simple to hang around and enjoy myself. Someone, that had similar tastes in a lot of areas. A person that I didn't feel on edge around. Someone, that helps me continue to grow as a person. Actually, just the things that I typically look for in a friend.

Overall, I got what I was looking for from him and I never felt awkward, even immediately following that evening as it seemed like we were going to deal with it and move on. He was a good friend to me and I tried to be one to him. I don't know what he wants or even wanted from me, nor do I understand how things flipped. It can all be my fault.

However, I started talking about needing my filter back. I need it for a few functions: 1) So, I don't haphazardly kiss guys (no offense to any of you, if you read this you were probably pretty good at it anyway, or I would have told you) 2) So, I stay sharp and pay attention to possible issues that can arise from my interactions with people. 3) So, I utilize the lessons of my past when confronted with them in the future.

I met too many great people this year. (YES! I am complaining about the number of great people I have met...wait no I am not!) What I mean by that is I very much let my guard down and let my filter dissolve. I started floating along and I believe I have been less thoughtful, inspired and communicative then I was before. I have also been more trusting, more whimsical and more of a lush.

I close by saying this: *edit--I meant something more along this line* I do not, honestly regret my actions but more how everything progressed from that moment on. This all sucks! But, I have learned yet another valuable lesson and I am sure it won't be the only thing I learn from this, both fortunately and unfortunately.

Signing out as a Class 5 Douchebag.

~L

I worked 4 events at Town and spent 4 nights in the city with friends (Thanks guys!)

Strangely, I don't feel like I have much to recap, but I will give it a go, anyhow.

July 3rd...Sam's Birthday & Freaks United at Town.

I hit the gym before work, but my body was oddly fatigued and did not want to be cooperative, so I don't feel as accomplished with the workout as I typically do. Oh well! Went to work and we were HELLA SLOW! So, I put in a text to the bar manager and asked about being the first out. And BANG I was out the door by 12:00. Met up with Cam, RB & CC at Apex for Kiddie Pool Night. It was about 150 degrees inside and was overall just disgusting minus the aforementioned persons and those with which we interacted. Cam & I cut out about 1:30 and began our LOTR walk back to Cam's with a quick stop to get my bags (Thx Eric). We ate some chicken & eggs, Absolut on the side and then retired.

Note: I require 1 LOTR style journey per weekend apparently. See also: the last 2 weekends, which I don't feel like linking.

July 4th... Uncle Sam's Birthday, BBQ & Upstairs Bar at Town.

After lounging a bit & watching some MGS4 action while reading Dirty Job, I donned my Union Jack shirt and headed for the Independence Day BBQ. I chatted with the interpreter for a good portion of the day, played some Trivial Pursuit & drank some liquid libations. At 8:45, texted a food order to Nellie's (thx Cam) and headed that way so I could be at Town by 9:30. July 4th was Town has Talent night, which I only got to hear about; however, Robbie won! Woot! Good job, my friend. For a synopsis, see The Diarist and his Part II for VIDEO. I spent most of my bartending evening serving those that were at the 4th party and other friends. Went to Annie's, got my "to go" omelette. Then, end scene.

Note (1): Omelette ingredients should be mixed not just lumped in to the omelette and butter really is not needed (Sorry Paula, it is true).

Note (b): Some people will still not just accept the humor of wearing a British flag on Independence Day.

Note (!): I am going to continue the weekend in this styling; however, I am realizing that I am not a big fan of this method.

July 5th...Nick's Birthday (guy from Town), The Frozen Wallet Killer, No Sleep

Woke up to half power in the Casa de Cam & Scottie. Scottie ever-resourceful was all first things first and moved the coffee pot into his bedroom where there was power so we could partake of some caffeine. Step #2 was reallocating power to insure internet and TV. (woot!) Watched French Kiss. I <3 Meg! Went to Town at 5:30 to do some data stuff and no one was there...boo!!!! So, after venturing up to Starbucks and coming back no one was to be seen still, so I walked my happy ass over to Nell's and chatted with Bill until we both had to go over to Town. During this period at Nellie's I was shown some images that I think may scar me for life (thx Nash) & I don't want to talk further about that. Got to Town, set up shop, & then just hung out with people until we opened. Tonight's interesting cases were: the 40something with horrid breathe who decided it was appropriate to hug/talk to me for about a minute & this little interaction:

(2:50ish, While I am talking to a friend) Guy walks up and slaps my hand. I turn, raise an eyebrow and look at him.

"Can I get a Voss?"
"No"

Guy looks at me really puzzled.
"I am sorry, I have no till."
"What?"
"I have no register with which to sell you a water."
Guy still looks puzzled. Walks over to someone that I know, says a few things then walks off. I say to this person that I know, "Tell your boy that slapping a bartender's hand is not helping his cause."

(3:05ish, While I am working on cleaning up the bar) Same guy returns.

"Can I get a Voss?"
"No. I don't have a register, nor do I have the water, which has been put away."
Guy looks, smiles and stares. I start to walk to the side of the bar, he glides sideways to flow and stare.

"Now you are just being creepy."
"Did you just call me 'creepy'?"
"Yes, you are being creepy."
"You can't call me creepy, how am I being creepy. All I did was ask for a water." (begins throwing money behind my bar) "I am not creepy or cheap."
"I never called you cheap." (As I pick up his money and hand it back to him.) "You asked for a water, you slapped my hand earlier & now you are staring in a weird way."
"I slapped your hand?"
"Yes, you did."
"Oh." Guy walks off.

So, I finish around 4 am. Cam waited and walked with me back to his place. These is more to this but it involves writing, not being able to sleep and more reading.

Note: The biggest disadvantage of working the Frozen Bar is not the less money that you typically make there versus the main bar, but in actuality the inability to escape the weirdos. At the main bar, if someone is being weird, you can walk away, turn and talk to another bartender, etc. At the frozen bar, the machines don't talk back and you just have no where to go. Being located by the exit adds to the likelihood of having weirdos interact with you.

July 6th...Data Entry: Part II, Drag Pageant & SNK

After a little sleep, I woke and read some more. Sidenote: I pick up on moods and tend to mirror them, which has advantages and disadvantages (empathy...shrug) So, I gathered up my stuff from the 3 night stay (THX AGAIN!!!) and headed to Town around 3, after watching the tail end of Akeelah and the Bee. Did my data entry stuff, ate some fat girl food and went about my business of setting up the bar for night. Mitchell rocked out as server and rang over half of my sales, but if I have to make one more Scooby Snack (27)... I did enjoy how he slipped the 8 or 9 shot orders in after getting me to make other things and then he turned and walked off. Very smooth, mister! Anyway, we finished at Town and headed over for some Karaoke fun at Cobalt. I sang, not drunk. redeeming some cred after last weeks less than stellar outing. Waited outside for Robbie, poked fun at a drunk guy, who ran after someone we knew that sprinted off away from him. Weirdness. Sang some tunes with R & M on the ride to Anacostia, then watched some MGS4. Then Sleep.

So that was pretty much my weekend. I will have another posting tomorrow about lessons learned and other personal mumbo jumbo.

"What the fuck have you done lately?"

It has been a long, fun weekend and such and now let me take you back to view the happenings.

Firstly, I must give a shout out of gratitude to Cam & Scottie for putting up with me for 3 nights in a row. Words alone can't express how wonderful you have been to me. Thank you so much!

Friday: Started at the gym at 4 pm. Helped a co-worker set up a facebook page at 5:30. Helped the roommate set up the Frozen Bar at 7. Went to Nellie's around 8:45, for Este's B-day, back to Town to work the main bar at 9:30. It was kinda dead (thank you NYC Pride) Overall, not a terrible night, I enjoyed seeing the trivia team out and about, etc.

Saturday: Woke up around 10:30 am, I think. Went to get a can of coffee at the store across the street from Cam & Scottie's place. Unfortunately, they were out of coffee, so began an LOTR journey, ending at a Starbuck's. I returned triumphantly with a bag of Guatemalan coffee, go me. Then, there was "WANTED". Very good movie! So much eye candy! Highly recommend this action movie! After the movie there was a trip to Best Buy, setting up of a PS3 & dinner at Thai Chef. Then, off to work at 7:30 pm. Frozen Wallet Killa. There was comedy in the form of..."Let's go get pancakes. Now."

Sunday: No clue when I woke up. it felt early still. Cam & I went to Francis' to swim and grill out after a quick stop at Whole Foods for some tasty treats to put on said grill.

-Some Notes about me and the pool: I am comfortable enough to where square cut swim trunks, I was not the palest person at the pool remarkably & mmmmmm....food is tasty.

After the swimming we went back to Cam's, the 3 of us plus Francis' roommate and Brian to drink and play the Wii. Dinner at Lorial Plaza. Then Cobalt for karaoke.

-Some notes about Cobalt: I will no longer sing after drinking more than 3 drinks (my apologies all), I should never start taking shots of warm Patron, I don't remember leaving (so, I probably did not say goodbye), I was beyond trashed (sorry, sorry, sorry)

I don't remember anything beyond singing at Cobalt, climbing into bed, climbing out of bed, getting sick, back to bed, repeat sickness, clean up, shower, bed. Passed out! Didn't stir once in the night.

Monday: Yes, not technically the weekend but whatever. Watched a portion of "The Last Kiss." Did lunch and a movie with Mitchell. "WANTED" again. I told you I liked it. Discussed my anger issues and just talked a lot which I missed so much while he was gone. Bought trunks at Universal Gear. Went back to Cam & Scottie's to retrieve my bags, so they knew I was really leaving. Caught the 6:50 train back to Manassas Park and here I sit, angry with Dell about needing to verify information and not being able to do so until 10 am tomorrow. GRRRRR!

Some fantastic notes overall:

- I love my friends! All of you are amazing! Thank you!
- Arguments can be intense, I hope I didn't wreck anyone's dinner.
- Angelina Jolie is just pure sex.
- I've had Coldplay stuck in my head since hearing them around noon today.
- I am not sure if I am really a good person, but I think I may be.
- I don't like how I feel right now.
- I miss living near the city.
- I love how random hilarity follows my friends and me.
- Misspelling "loom" as "loon" adds a whole new layer of comedy.
- If I did anything completely asinine yesterday, please tell me and I apologize in advance.

"What the fuck have you done lately?"

This will be the first time in years that I will not be at the Pride Parade nor the Pride Street Fest. I have to be at Town on
Saturday at 7:30 PM and I have to be at Tim McGraw at Nissan Pavilion on Sunday. This is a huge shift from the past few years, especially considering I have hosted a party on the Friday the last 2 years and Have taken a group of 10+ to the Festival for as long as I can remember.

I don't know how I really feel about it either. I have been feeling a little bit of a disconnect from most of gay society, which I believe to be a positive thing. Let me be clear, I am not feeling a disconnect from my friends that are gay, but just the everyday DC gay that I don't have the time with which to deal. I guess, being gay to me has never been my one shining point, but rather just a characteristic. I am smart, witty, logical, strategic, competitive, compassionate and gay.

My point being (wait is there a point?) is I never made it a big deal, except during this one time of year. So, perhaps it isn't such a big deal. Perhaps, being disconnected is a good thing, allowing me to deal with the absolute ridiculousness that I see every weekend. Perhaps, I am just getting old.

Will this disconnect hurt me in the long run, making it harder to find a potential partner in life? Or will it make it easier, as I become more choosy with whom I associate?

I won't go into my dreams from last night, but they did make me go...hmmmm and huh and wow! Yes, that about sums them up. But, they got me to thinking about all of this and other things going on in my life and I realize that I am happy with the path that I am on, but impatient with getting everything rocking.

Edit: the next portion added Friday, June 13, 2008

I've decided to add a list of things that I have done and such of which I am proud this year

~ I have learned to trust again.

~ I have made more than my fair share of wonderful friends.

~ I have avoided making casual acquaintances outside of the bar; not wanting to drag things on with those that don't bring anything to me or I to them.

~ Getting myself together and going back to school (I haven't started yet, but I have registered for 16 credits)

~ Biting the bullet and moving out to Manassas to help better afford the Student lifestyle.

~ Working hard as a barback to become a bartender

~ Working with my friends to foster positive relationships between us.

~ Keeping my impatience more reigned in than I have in the past.

~ Not holding on to relationships that are only there because they are familiar.

~ Forgiving and asking for forgiveness.

~ Loving more, Smiling often, Living out loud

I did the Post Hunt yesterday with 3 great friends and teammates. I was going to write a blog about it, but one of these teammates did such a fantastic job with his bulleted highlights that I instead will just post the link to his and say: Ditto!

The Diarist's Post Hunt Blog

Soooo...

My take has been asked for so here it is:



I was originally invited to this event by a member of my trivia team from JRs; however, after realizing that they had about 6-8 persons already I started asking others to come along. As it turns out I ended up with a 4-person team comprising of my roommate and the other two-thirds of my brain. And boy did we need the full brain today.

It rained at the beginning but Mother Nature was kind enough to make that a passing trend. The rest of the day was mostly dry. We got kicked off with getting the rest of the coordinates for the 5 puzzles.

The 5 Puzzles were entertaining and challenging, granted as stated before were sharing brain power today and we completed the 5 puzzles with about 2 hours before the final clue. So, we lunched. While eating, we did some puzzling and saw 2 different things and were on to one correct thing and one incorrect thing (courtesy of me...oops). Anyhow, we went into the final clue feeling good.

Then we overthought a clue and stood around and scratched our heads...and we will just say...didn't win. :-)

The day overall was awesome and I think this is the kind of entertainment that I need on Sundays after working the previous 2 nights.

Thnigs of note:

~ 3 Amazing Persons can make anything fun for me.

~ When doing something like this, you must pay attention to all information given to you.

~ I love being outside on a Sunday.

~ I need more time with these individuals.

~ Time spent outside of a club/bar counts x 2.

~ There are times that everyone need to be in a hurry and run, as such.

~ I have discerning taste :-)

~ A male ruminant is a BUCK!

~ I could easily fall victim to a conspiracy theory.

Thanks again for a great day :-)

Sidenote: Glenn's Art is awesome and hearing his descriptions on everything was nice.