The Knowledgemonger Kronicles

Anyone who knows me knows a few central facts:

I believe that happiness is a choice we make.
I believe that love is something to give freely.
I believe that trust is huge.
And I believe that a good cup of coffee can cure many of life's issues.

But, in this segment I am hoping to tackle one of those points and maybe touch on the others.

Happiness: A Matter of Choice

One of my least favorite phrases that I hear people say is: "[This] makes me unhappy," closely followed by "[This] makes me happy." I think of these people as the same people who believe that luck plays a central role in their life. I don't know about you but, I don't flip a coin or role a die EVERY time that I need to make a decision. Nor do I wait for things to unfold to start my actions (granted this some times get me in to unanticipated trouble, but that is another post entirely).

If something truly made you happy, wouldn't you always be happy? You would find the stimulus that caused your involuntary happiness and harness it. No need for puppies, flowers, a song, a smile, a hug, a kiss, a laugh, or affection. All you would need is bottled "Happy" & I don't mean: Happy. The Clinique people would love if that was the case & honestly, I think that may be easier.

Happiness is so hard for some because it is a choice. Well, partly. Research has shown that happiness is 50% genetic, About 10% to 15% is a result of various measurable variables, such as socioeconomic status, marital status, health, income, and others. The remaining 40% results from actions that individuals deliberately engage in for the purpose of becoming happier. However, these actions may vary between persons (www.wikipedia.com). So, some people are predisposed to being less happy than others. But, at that same time, they also have a choice in increasing their happiness based on the control they have from actions in which they "deliberately engage."

Leo Tolstoy said: "If you want to be happy. Be." This has been a main component of my life and my life choices for the last decade or so. I stumbled across this quote on a day back then that I just needed to see that and as I am prone to do, I thought about it. I said, "Lonnie (because that is what I call myself), why are you unhappy?" And I put together a list of things that were "making" me unhappy and realized that all them came down to choice. Examples:

Your boyfriend cheats on you. Do you choose to be unhappy & stay with said boyfriend? Or do you choose to cut your loses, realize that this person is toxic to your life and move on to better happiness?

You are greatly in debt. Do you choose to be unhappy, cry about the unfairness of Capitalism & hope that something will miraculously change to make this situation better. Or do you choose to change your spending habits, take on an additional job, and set goals to eliminate the debt and be more happy.

Notice that the subject of both examples are derived from choices that have already been made. You decided what person to date & you decided on what to spend your money and how much. You make tons of decisions everyday and to say that something that happened effects you in anyway without taking ownership of those feelings is not fair. Not fair to you and not fair to who or what you assign the blame.

Is being happy easy? No, it takes work. It takes recognition of how your react to situations. It takes courage to get rid of things that are causing you to react unhappily. It takes trust in your friends to not bring you situations that are not ones that you want. But, overall, it takes a decision making and analysis of your emotions.

Think about it sometime when you are unhappy. Think about what is at the root of your unhappiness. Is it something that you can: 1) Eliminate, 2) Get over, 3) Unnecessary or 4) None of the above. Yes, there are circumstances that are not pleasant that happen to us all that we cannot eliminate or get over and are quite necessary. These are the times that we must focus on the necessity and there you will find something to be happy about. If you are suffering for a purpose, typically that pursuit will be for something that ultimately yields something that is positive.

Okay, now I am starting to get distracted, damn coffee shops. :-p But, remember, your life is under your control and happiness is a choice.

This will be the first time in years that I will not be at the Pride Parade nor the Pride Street Fest. I have to be at Town on
Saturday at 7:30 PM and I have to be at Tim McGraw at Nissan Pavilion on Sunday. This is a huge shift from the past few years, especially considering I have hosted a party on the Friday the last 2 years and Have taken a group of 10+ to the Festival for as long as I can remember.

I don't know how I really feel about it either. I have been feeling a little bit of a disconnect from most of gay society, which I believe to be a positive thing. Let me be clear, I am not feeling a disconnect from my friends that are gay, but just the everyday DC gay that I don't have the time with which to deal. I guess, being gay to me has never been my one shining point, but rather just a characteristic. I am smart, witty, logical, strategic, competitive, compassionate and gay.

My point being (wait is there a point?) is I never made it a big deal, except during this one time of year. So, perhaps it isn't such a big deal. Perhaps, being disconnected is a good thing, allowing me to deal with the absolute ridiculousness that I see every weekend. Perhaps, I am just getting old.

Will this disconnect hurt me in the long run, making it harder to find a potential partner in life? Or will it make it easier, as I become more choosy with whom I associate?

I won't go into my dreams from last night, but they did make me go...hmmmm and huh and wow! Yes, that about sums them up. But, they got me to thinking about all of this and other things going on in my life and I realize that I am happy with the path that I am on, but impatient with getting everything rocking.

Edit: the next portion added Friday, June 13, 2008

I've decided to add a list of things that I have done and such of which I am proud this year

~ I have learned to trust again.

~ I have made more than my fair share of wonderful friends.

~ I have avoided making casual acquaintances outside of the bar; not wanting to drag things on with those that don't bring anything to me or I to them.

~ Getting myself together and going back to school (I haven't started yet, but I have registered for 16 credits)

~ Biting the bullet and moving out to Manassas to help better afford the Student lifestyle.

~ Working hard as a barback to become a bartender

~ Working with my friends to foster positive relationships between us.

~ Keeping my impatience more reigned in than I have in the past.

~ Not holding on to relationships that are only there because they are familiar.

~ Forgiving and asking for forgiveness.

~ Loving more, Smiling often, Living out loud

Packing...ugh! 'Nuff Said!

I acted in a one act play in high school entitled "Life" Is Only Seven Points by David Rush. A synopsis pulled from Dramaticpublishing.com:

Every Sunday, 38-year-old Jerry has dinner with his parents, playing Scrabble with his lively mother as his aging father declines into senility. This night, the game triggers memories and, as his mother wins and becomes increasingly cheerful, Jerry finds himself depressed by his failed marriage and his inability to elicit honest answers from his mother. As the game goes on—in a sometimes funny, suddenly painful, and very moving encounter—Jerry forces her to help him face some deeply hidden and tragic truths about his relationship with his father. Poignant and affecting, this is a crisply written, witty mix of comedy and tragedy in the finest tradition of the theatre.

I played the role of the father who was slipping into senility, while watching 60 Minutes. Good times!

So, why do I mention this? Because, my screen name elsewhere is the title of the play. My favorite question to field is some form of:

-So life is only 7 points, huh? Yes, it is.
-How many points is death worth? It is worth 9.

The play itself is very well written and hits on the topic of life and how sometimes we take it a bit too seriously. While there exists a lot of bullpooh in our daily lives, life itself is good. Life is also fragile and we should take each day and live it out to the best of our abilities, because we don't know exactly when we won't have the luxury of one more breath.

So that's the end of my post, and I do like to end the post with a kind of "Oh" feeling, and I think I've done that quite well.

~L

*editted to add a title.

I have a new place to live. So, I won't be homeless, yet. Granted it is out in Manassas: The Park. So, anyone who has room for a "sleeping me" on the Friday nights that I am at town, I will be forever in your debt.

So to the Checklist:

1) A place to live...*check*

2) A job for the weekdays... still doing interviews, keep your fingers crossed

3) A place to take classes...*check* Starting Fall '08

4) A man to consistently cuddle... *shrug* nothing in the works, but a boy can dream :-)

Hope all is going well in the world for the rest of you and I will post some pics of the place once everything gets moved in, set up, etc.

much love,

me