The Knowledgemonger Kronicles

A list of general things to expect from your bartender, when you do certain things.

1) You don't tip. Your bartender will remember your face and ignore your existence at his bar until it is painful.

2) You flirt with your bartender and tip poorly. Your bartender will take the money and continue on his merry way. DO NOT ASK OR GIVE YOUR NUMBER AT THIS POINT.

3) You wave at or motion for your bartender to come to you. Your bartender will wave back or motion for you to come to him and he will continue doing what he was doing before you did this.

4) You whistle, yell, order from behind other guests, order from down the bar. Your bartender will ignore your pleas, just be quiet and wait like a good bar patron.

5) You are being creepy. Your bartender will tell you so.

6) You order one drink at a time. Your bartender will either say "Is that all?", "There are other guests", "Rude!", "I'm sorry I thought you were done the second time." or something else along those lines. DO NOT DO THIS, WE ARE BUSY AND IT IS RUDE!

7) You hang out in front of the bartender's service area. Your bartender will spill something to make you go away. We are here to make money and you are the reason I am not making it at that given point. GET YOUR DRINK AND MOVE TO THE SIDE OR AWAY WHEN IT IS BUSY.

8) You want a complicated drink and you fail to tip well. Your bartender will have short term memory loss the next time you come up and won't be able to make your drink.

9) You were comped your drink and you tipped a dollar. Your bartender will never comp a drink to you, again.

10) You were comped a drink, you barely tip and you flirt with the bartender. SEE #2, you are wasting your time.

Friday, May 30, 2008

A quick note about the frozen bar at town. It is located at the coat check area which is near the exit door and under the main stairs. Also, located to the right of the bar in clear view is an ATM.

~The strawberry pulp looks like red/black sewage before it is frozen.
~Is there supposed to be things floating in the strawberry?
~TEXT OF THE NIGHT: Do you know a lot about buying a car?
(I was a professional auto buyer for 3 years and the texter met me while I was doing this.)
~Me: Did you get your hair cut?
Evil K: I went to the beach, I think I grew into my skin color.
~Wait...mango and strawberry. That's what everyone else is doing, right? (at 9:45 pm)
~SHIRT OF THE NIGHT: "I'm not Mr. Right, but I'll fuck you until you meet him."
~Red, Please.
~I get to see all the dancers that are too good for the dance floor.
~Synchronized Skipping is SO GAY!
~Guy: Excuse me I got a receipt but no money from the ATM
Me (looking at the receipt): Perhaps if you put in the correct PIN, you will get your money.
~Guy #2: Where's the ATM Machine?
Me (noting both the redundancy and location of the ATM): Ummm...right there (points to my left)
~ Girl #1: Do you want frozen?
Girl #2 (Turning and walking away): NO!
~Guy #3: Frozen? Hells Yes!
Guy #3: Make mine extra refreshing.

Friday Night

~ Kiwis are Gamey
~ There are no "Happy Endings" here
~ 5th Monkee, likes his new nickname... forget about it!
~ Numbering tickets in Roman Numerals is funny for me, but not so funny for those having to read them.
~ Guy in scarf says "I don't think this fits here." Really?!?
~ We serve no Virgins here!
~ Girl: Do you have any cool drinks?
Me: What constitutes "cool"?
Girl: With Alcohol
Me: They are all "cool"
Girl: Oh, Okay.
~ "Oh My God! Are Those--Like--Slurpees?"
~ "Don't turn my jacket into a margarita."
~ Guy: Can I get an Absolut & Tonic?
Me: Yes, over there.
~ People who tip $4 on a checked item rock my world.
~ Chats with a Marine who specializes in Nuclear & Biotechnical Warfare are interesting.


Saturday Night...not at the Frozen Bar

~ Ordering 1 drink at a time will just piss off your bartender...get it all out and move on, it is kinda busy.
~ Doing the same thing while ordering 2 identical drinks that require shaking is grounds for drink being splashed in your face.
~ Doing Both of these and then asking if I got the extra amount, which happened to be $1 will cause the bartender to rudely dismiss you
~ All of these actions happening and you taking offense is not acceptable!
~ Guys who shamelessly flirt and then fail to tip are getting absolutely nowhere.
~ People who realize the skill that it takes to memorize 8+ drink orders, make them all at once and give them to the appropriate people also rock my world. Thanks!
~ Cleaning the frozen drink machines SUCKS! Sorry Barbara.
~ Lastly, it amuses me that people are super impressed when you remember what they are drinking when they return to your bar.

Overall, it was a good weekend. Hopefully the next few rock just as well. :-)

How was yours, world?

~L