The Collective LLC dba The Borg
Monday, June 9, 2008 by The Knowledgemonger
So Tuffie and I this weekend were having this ridiculously funny conversation. (disclaimer: my sense of humor may not be the same as yours, but I like to think if you read my blog you at least understand it.) In this conversation, The Borg are run like a corporation complete with an HR department, reviews, etc. So, anyhow, hear are some of the ideas discussed and also some stuff that snowballed through my mind after the initial discussion.
Dialogue #1:
Boss: So, Brian, your Assimilation totals for the last few months have been on the low side.
Brian: Well, sir I have been working on a few projects.
Boss: Brian, you are aware of our mission statement: "Resistance os Futile" and the role of Assimilation in this process.
Brian: But, sir, I have been a Borg drone all my life...
Boss: As you should know, we don't let people go here. We are instead going to limit your access to Sector 014.
Brian: Sector 014 are a bunch of morons, how am I supposed to get anything done.
Boss: For every 100 Assimilations you achieve this week we will give you access to an additional sector of the collective.
Dialogue #2:
Cantina Drone: You highness, I have working on a new assimilation tool
Borg Queen: Here in the cantina?
Cantina Drone: Yes, your majesty, I have been baking assimilation biscuits.
Borg Queen (chuckles): Assimilation Biscuits?
Cantina Drone: I bake them with flour, butter, sugar and nanoprobes.
Borg Queen: Why not just inject the species with the nanoprobes?
Cantina Drone: This is more subtle, my queen.
Sign outside of HR Department:
You are not an individual but a piece of a collective unit: The Delta Quadrants Greatest Team"
Public Address by Public Relations Director:
"We are merely looking to perfect life, what could be so wrong with that concept? You all complain about the loss of individuality. But, there is no "I" in team. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours. It will be a wonderful thing. Now, lower your weapons. Resistance is futile."
This line of comedy can go on for a long time...and I suspect that we will digress into it again sometime.
Hope you at least get a chuckle out of it.
~L
Dialogue #1:
Boss: So, Brian, your Assimilation totals for the last few months have been on the low side.
Brian: Well, sir I have been working on a few projects.
Boss: Brian, you are aware of our mission statement: "Resistance os Futile" and the role of Assimilation in this process.
Brian: But, sir, I have been a Borg drone all my life...
Boss: As you should know, we don't let people go here. We are instead going to limit your access to Sector 014.
Brian: Sector 014 are a bunch of morons, how am I supposed to get anything done.
Boss: For every 100 Assimilations you achieve this week we will give you access to an additional sector of the collective.
Dialogue #2:
Cantina Drone: You highness, I have working on a new assimilation tool
Borg Queen: Here in the cantina?
Cantina Drone: Yes, your majesty, I have been baking assimilation biscuits.
Borg Queen (chuckles): Assimilation Biscuits?
Cantina Drone: I bake them with flour, butter, sugar and nanoprobes.
Borg Queen: Why not just inject the species with the nanoprobes?
Cantina Drone: This is more subtle, my queen.
Sign outside of HR Department:
You are not an individual but a piece of a collective unit: The Delta Quadrants Greatest Team"
Public Address by Public Relations Director:
"We are merely looking to perfect life, what could be so wrong with that concept? You all complain about the loss of individuality. But, there is no "I" in team. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours. It will be a wonderful thing. Now, lower your weapons. Resistance is futile."
This line of comedy can go on for a long time...and I suspect that we will digress into it again sometime.
Hope you at least get a chuckle out of it.
~L
hmmm, should we make the AB's (assimilation biscuits) buttermilk? you think more species might respond better to that?
i know i would
Mmmmm buttermilk assimilation biscuits
fuck'in tasty!
o_O
PS
that was one HELLA fun convo! kudos us!
*goes back to updating work flows in the NDH (New Drone Handbook) for more efficient transitions from Individuals to Team Players*