New Year's Resolutions

So, never been a huge fan of making resolutions, but I do get in the habit of recapping my year in my head and then thinking about what I want to continue and what I need to change. So here are a few things:

Things Learned in 2008

1. How to successfully let people go.
2. How to love and trust.
3. How to give real hugs.
4. How to be myself around everyone.
5. How to know what things I can tolerate & those that I cannot.

Achievements 2008

1. Went back to school & got the A's that I require.
2. Managed to adjust to suburbia. (grudgingly still)
3. Had REAL conversations for the first time in a very long time.
4. Made some amazing new friends.
5. Realized who I am.

Things To Learn in 2009

1. How to let situations go.
2. How to deal with negative emotions.
3. How to always enjoy myself.
4. How to put myself out of a limb.
5. How to continue to love and trust.

Resolutions, Of a Sort

1. Make daily easy objectives. (ie. make someone laugh, give someone a hug who needs it)
2. Laugh when adversity kicks me in the bum.
3. Be the positive voice.
4. Express kindness as a default.
5. Be THAT Guy!

GOALS 2009

1. Graduate with my AS in Business Administration. (step 1)
2. Visit Daniel in Phoenix.
3. Spend a weekend in a cabin with friends. (planned!)
4. Eat something new to me & then declare it as a reason to be a vegetarian.
5. Sort the closet and get rid of stuff that hasn't been off a hanger in 1 year.
6. Play in a poker tournament in either Las Vegas or Atlantic City.
7. Start my BS program. (step 2)
8. Move closer to the city.
9. Run a 5K. (baby steps)
10. Do something completely out of character, take a pic & laugh about it for years.

Weird Ponderance From Yesterday

While at Barnes & Noble I was wondering how long it would take them to throw me out for moving all the Bibles from the "Bibles" section to the "Religious Fiction" section or if I could manage to move them all before they found me out.

I, also, thought it might be good for a laugh to say to an employee:

Excuse me. Can you help me out? I have looked in mythology, historical fiction, religious fiction, and science fiction/fantasy and I can't find the Bible in any of them. Has it been misfiled?

Okay, I know...bad Knowledgemonger! *slaps own hand*

Furr by Blitzen Trapper

So, I have come full circle on my year. Back to the rather folky indie stylings with which I began these musical posts. This song is the title track from Blitzen Trapper's Furr album. The album has received much acclaim and for good reason. I first got turned on to this and some of my more recent music from NPR's "All Songs Considered" Podcasts. If you have not listened to these they are highly recommended.

Anyway, I don't have much on this to say. Just give it a listen and I hope you enjoy.


Furr - Blitzen Trapper

The New Year

At the rate that I have been blogging, I know that this will be the last one for this year and my hope is going forward to change the nature of my posts and to have fun with this blog, like I did when I first started it.

This fall semester was rather busy and once I started having to write papers, I lost the creative energy to put out anything that I felt was worthwhile on here, so I just didn't post. I have; however, have continued to live.

As I believe I stated once before this blog will be taking on a less personal nature next year. I just don't have the need in that arena anymore. I am happy with so much in my life that the negative will no longer have a hold on me. Last week, I did decide to vent my frustration with a matter through a facebook status, which is ALWAYS a mistake. I learned 2 valuable lessons: 1) don't change your facebook status at 2:00 am, if you have been drinking & 2) status changes should be restricted to funny quips and wishings of good tidings.

Anyway, a few words about 2008:

The number of minds that have startled me this year are immeasurable and it is a chief event in any of those days. These are the moments and the interactions to enjoy and to devour. Whether it be walking down the street being a mutual geek with someone or sitting around my bedroom listening to random things and talking about the even more random or sometimes it is just a smile from the right person that lights up my heart. Life is just amazing sometimes.

I have met and made strong bonds with some AMAZING friends. You all mean the world to me and I can't imagine where I would be at the end of this year without the influence that you all have had on me. Not all of the strong bonds have been with new friends, I also like that some old bonds are being renewed and that some never fade regardless of the trivialities of the day, the week, the year.

I am capable of trusting people, again.

I am, also, able to let people go when it is necessary. It will always break my heart how some things end up, but I will no longer be the sole contributor in any relationship. It is not healthy for me or for any of you. In short: If you want to be my friend, be.

I have found myself one step closer to having the degree that I have decided after 10 years that I should obtain. It has been greatly necessary. After, this one semester, I have come to realize that I have ridiculously high expectations for myself and, frankly, I think that they are needed and obtainable. So, that's where that is now and I hope to have everything headed to success in the years to come.

So, with that 2008 is coming to a close and I can't wait for 2009, I have a hunch it is going to be a good year for many of us.

"The Underdog" by Spoon

Today, I have decided to expose you to a great band that if you get a chance to go see perform, you simply must. You have no choice in the matter. :-p

Anyway, Spoon is not a new band by any means, having formed in the early 1990s in Austin, TX; however, they still need more exposure to people like those of you that read this blog. The song "The Underdog" is off of their 6th studio album Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga and was also featured at the beginning of the movie Cloverfield.

I've included the video here, because it is rather fun.

I hope you enjoy!

If you like this, you may also like:

-"Missed the Boat" by Modest Mouse
-"Satellite" by Guster
-"O Valencia" by The Decemberists
-"Wolf Like Me" by T.V. on the Radio
-"The Way We Get By" by Spoon


Should it bother me that...

The "National Collector's Mint" is offering a September 11th commemorative silver leaf certificate that is redeemable for Liberian Currency. I know I had a lot going on that day, but it somehow slipped my mind how effected by the tragedy the county of Liberia was. So you pay $20 U.S. for something that is redeemable for $20 Liberian. $20 Liberian is equal to $0.31 U.S., ridiculous point number 2. These infomercials playing on the sympathies of those people that are not smart enough to read the fine print and old people are distasteful.

Yeah, I've just decided that yes, it does bother me and probably should. DISGUSTING!

Just a thought

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personaly when they say "no" -- they may not be smart enough to say "yes."
--Keith Olberman

How about that for a good theory? Why should you not go after whatever you want? And in a lot of cases I think that when people do say "no" that they really aren't smart enough to see the gain in saying "yes."

Sometimes you have to keep at it to get something you want and sometimes you just have to move on. What you do is entirely up to you? But whatever your cause, don't let anyone get you down.


My Creative Juices...

are being used up elsewhere.

I have to write a "memoir" of 2 pages for my English class & I am having the damnedest time coming up with a time in my life that tells a compelling story that I can keep to the page limitations. I am having issues writing recently, which is part of why I have not blogged here in a while.

The other and more significant part of why I have not been blogging is that I think I may need to change the format of this blog and start a more intimate detail of my accounts elsewhere and anonymously. As an explanation: I like to write about many things and I have lately censored my writing as to not have an impact on people that read this blog and know of the players that are involved in a given circumstance.

So, for the sake of these people, I will not blog about these things on this blog anymore. However, for my own sake I will be keeping a journal that is more intimate than what I have been keeping and I am going to make it public, but not advertised as my blog. Why not just make it private?

I like to believe that there are times that I write about things that are helpful to other people. Either they take a lesson from it or just need to know that someone else is going thru the same things that they are. If I can help just one person with my writing without hurting anyone directly than I feel that making it public is value added. So, that would be the rationale.

Now, what should I do here? I look to some of you for advice. What do you like to read about? I plan on continuing with some music posts, some movie reviews and so forth. But, what have you liked about my blog? What have you not liked?

Sidenote: I don't think I will be interacting much with my readers on my new blog and if you are clever enough to find it, please do me a friendly favor and keep my identity private for the sake of everyone.

So, let me know what you are thinking? I want to have this revamp to start next week sometime.

Much love


I Sit Here Thinking

What is it that drives people to the edge of reasoning? How can someone reach that point where they forget that they have so much going for them and begin to think that everything important is completely out of their hands? Do they not see the joy that they bring to other people or the quick impact of a smile?

I am not a person that forgets these things easily. I don't focus on the uncontrollable aspects of my life: the rainy days, the reactions that people have or the way that things just naturally run their course.

I tend to concentrate on the things that I can do that do make a difference: a kind word, a solid argument, a warm smile, a hug, a shared laugh and all the other positive interactions.

I bet if you look at the positive interactions that occur over the course of your average day you will find that they greatly outweigh the negative ones in volume. I would say that this is even true of your "bad days."

Babe we both had dry spells Hard times in bad lands
(Ritter, Josh "Good Man")

Keep that chin up and live life for yourself.

Those days that something bad happens, learn from it. When you make a mistake, learn from it. If your heart is broken, learn from it. These moments of hardship are the way that we live

What Do I Really Know, Anyway?

I am forgetting little things. I don't know if it is a condition of age or if it is just that I am utilizing memory space for different information. It is rather frustrating at times, but has not impaired my course work...yet.

There are some things that are bugging me to no end. I have no idea what path may be the correct one to choose in progressing forward from the state that these things are currently in. This is a major contributor to my lack of posts recently.

I miss having quality time with some of my friends, but am thankful for the quality time that has filled the void. I AM dealing with a mixed bag of feelings. Its like I just got a new puzzle with the following issues:

1) There is no picture on the box to guide the process.
2) There are pieces missing.
3) There are extra pieces that should not be there.
4) I have a time limit for completion.
5) My friends don't do puzzles.

So, here I am thinking examining the pieces, trying to find some commonality that links them together. Guided only by a strong reasoning mind & a unwavering heart on a mission to see some beautiful image pop amongst the conundrum of life's little pieces.

I hope everyone is well and I miss those of you I don't get to see nearly enough.


Sorry, Mr. McCain, I am Seeing Through Your "Maverick" Maneuvers

Senator John McCain has issued a statement today to suspend his campaign so he may return to Washington to help hammer out a bipartisan deal to fix the economy. What a great idea! Wait, why does he all of the sudden care about going back to Washington to cast a vote? Here are some facts courtesy of Nico Pitney in an Op-Ed on (an admittedly liberal source, but it does not change the facts).

2) The idea of uniting the campaigns to find a bipartisan solution to the Wall Street crisis wasn't even McCain's idea. A few minutes ago, Obama spokesman Bill Burton emailed to reporters:

"At 8:30 this morning, Senator Obama called Senator McCain to ask him if he would join in issuing a joint statement outlining their shared principles and conditions for the Treasury proposal and urging Congress and the White House to act in a bipartisan manner to pass such a proposal. At 2:30 this afternoon, Senator McCain returned Senator Obama's call and agreed to join him in issuing such a statement. The two campaigns are currently working together on the details."

3) John McCain has skipped more votes during this session than any member of the Senate except for Tim Johnson, who had major brain surgery. He has cast a single vote in five months, since April 9. All of a sudden, McCain is demanding that the presidential race shut down so he can return to Washington?

4) A reminder: President Bush was able to debate John Kerry while he was president. For all of his sudden urgency, McCain acknowledged just yesterday that he had not even read the administration's three-page bailout proposal.

Seems like more of the same politicking that this campaign is starting to have a hard time disguising.

"Last Request" by Paolo Nutini

So, tonight, I was flipping through channels and I saw that Palladia was showing "V Festival 2007." Fantastic line-up, I know.

But, most importantly, this gem of a song was playing when I turned it on. My only experience with Paolo Nutini is the song "New Shoes," admittedly catchy, but not really my thing. This song, however and Paolo's presence just caught me instantly. Perhaps I should have already heard this song, but somehow, it missed me.

So, for those of you like me, who missed it on the first go, here it is.

The Way I See It #295

Can we laugh at cancer? Is it
Funny to loose your breasts? Am I
Crazy to have humor when I lose
my hair? Should I ignore the
giggles while receiving chemo?
What if I nudge someone and
sneak a smile, even though I
have no eyebrows? Is it
inappropriate? Don't be
offended, it beats waxing!

These are the words of Julie Wade, cancer survivor from Seattle, Washington. This made me think of my maternal grandmother, who lost her own battle with cancer in 2006. Her strength of character while she suffered and her will to live during a long battle were remarkable. She insisted on making future plans throughout the struggle, it gave her hope and a reason to live.

More people need to have that kind of gusto for life, without having to suffer first. People need to laugh at themselves more often. Situations will seem less bleak and the love that surrounds us daily will be much more noticeable. I am thankful everyday for the people that I have in my life and if you are reading this, that includes you.

The little trivialities of life should be recognized as just that. Stop and listen to the music. It is beautiful. "Life is short but sweet for certain."

I Will Posess Your Heart

You know I really love this song. I am not doing a music blog on this song. Though the credit is as follows. The song is "I Will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab For Cutie.

I just wanted to mention how much I love this verse in the song:

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language you can't read just yet

I think this line is so brilliant and I just know that feeling that it conveys. It is such a gut wrenching feeling to know how you feel for someone and know what you have to offer to them, yet to feel there is no potential from their side, to be disregarded.

Oh, I am not whining about it as I am just as guilty of being on the other side of that equation. It is just so tough to see it happen, regardless of where you stand (Even if you are not in the situation directly, just seeing someone else go through it is not easy).

Anyway, just a thought...not meant to bring you down or anything. Just wanted to point out a beautiful lyric.


"Phantom Limbs" by The Shins

My first introduction to The Shins happened when the movie Garden State came out on DVD and my ex and I rented it. The movie's screenplay is written by one of the star's of the film, Zach Braff. He happens to be responsible for the soundtrack as well. Alright, enough of the hyperlinks.

"New Slang" which so prominently plays a role in the film as the "song that will change your life" was my first exposure to this indie-rock group. I won't go as far as to say it changed my life, but it did give me a) an appreciation for a new band & b) invaded my thoughts for a bit during that time. I lied about the hyperlinks, here is one to that song. But, this is not about that song it is about a song from The Shin's third album, Wincing The Night Away (I really can't help myself). The song in question is well, duh, "Phantom Limbs" as sited in the title.

The video attached has a ridiculously well-produced "school play."

Description pulled from Wiki:

Songwriter and lead singer James Mercer described it as "a hypothetical, fictional account of a young, lesbian couple in high school dealing with the sh*tty [sic] small town they live in."[2]

One other The Shins note: They recorded a version of the song "Little Boxes" that is featured on the TV show Weeds Really just an excuse for me to add another hyperlink. :-)

Hope you enjoy,


Not Feeling like blogging

The weekend in bullet points

~ Friday night...a blur
~ Kings Dominion Gay Night had short lines, yay!
~ Lord Arthur Jack screaming on all rides at all times is greatly amusing.
~ Great group of guys as traveling companions.
~ Ride home was 6 Moes in a car singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" & other such music.
~ I have been writing this blog for 476 years and I have NEVER...Been SO Insulted...In MY LIFE!
~ Going to Town when I got home was a good investment of time.
~ Bud Light Lime should come in bucket form at Nellie's *shakes fist*
~ Nellie's should also show the Colts games downstairs for my viewing pleasure.
~ Running into some people just drives me nuts.
~ Sunday night karaoke was an intimate gathering of friends
~ Gin & Tonic boy turns out to be really awesome and dealt well with our craziness.
~ Sleeping on a couch will never compete with sleeping in my own bed
~ Good conversation was had with a very good friend

So not much of a story but a synopsis somewhat

How are you, world?


"The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice

While kind of a depressing song, it is used perfectly in the opening and closing scenes in the movie, "Closer" ( a must see, more on that in about 2 paragraphs...I promise). Damien Rice is a Irish folk singer, who has had limited success, but is great none-the-less.

This song is one of those that resonates in my mind well after I hear it. With lines like:

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

It is all too hauntingly familiar.

"Closer" is one of the rare movies that has been able to seemingly come across as real, meaning the dialogue doesn't seem contrived or forced. The brilliant acting ability of the cast of Julia Roberts, Clive Owens, Jude Law & Natalie Portman is incredible. Both Clive & Natalie received Best Supporting nods. The movie unfortunately got eclipsed by "Million Dollar Baby", "Ray", "Finding Neverland", "The Aviator" & "Sideways" for a Best Picture nod. Admittedly all brilliant movies, but still unfortunate.

Anyway, as always I hope you enjoy it for what it is and that on some level it makes you think (it is a reflective song).


September 11, 2001: En Memoriam

My good friend, The Diarist posted a blog recounting his day seven years ago and has inspired me to write my own.

I set my alarm for 8:00 that morning to allow myself ample time to reach my 3rd interview for a new job at 9:45. I took a shower & had some cereal and returned to my bedroom in the basement of my Dad's townhouse. I turned on the news somewhere between 8:45 and 9:00 am, and saw that a plane had hit the first WTC building. I was in shock and couldn't understand how a flight could get that off track. I called upstairs to my stepmother and had her turn on the TV and called my mother, who was getting ready for work at home herself around 8:55.

She answers the phone and I immediately ask her to turn on her TV. She takes a second to get into the living room at her place and I hear her gasp at the sight of the tower burning. We talk about it and speculate how someone could possibly have a malfunction that would would steer them into the center of the tallest building in world. Then at 9:00 am, I see the unthinkable happen on my TV as the plane hits the second building and the instant understanding as I say "Oh my God!" into the phone. My mother says "What?" as her TV satellite is slightly behind in signal and she immediately gasps and then screams.

I take my phone upstairs and my stepmother calls my dad, who is on his way home. My mother hangs up her phone so she can make calls to her side of the family. I try to call the manager who is interviewing me and I don't get through. So, after telling my stepmother that I will be right back, I depart for my interview across town.

I get there around 9:25 or so and the GM is standing in the lobby of the hotel where the job fair was being held watching the TV. He looks at me introduces himself, offers me the job and tells me to go home to be with my family. I suggest that he does likewise, thank him and get in my car.

As I am driving home and listening to the radio at 9:37 the Pentagon is struck and these horrible images of dozens of planes targeting sites around the country fills my head. I rush home get there and my dad and stepmother are watching the coverage as they report the 4th plane crashing in PA.

Around noon, I remember that I am the manager of a Blockbuster and that I may have employees, who are still there and have no idea what to do. I try calling them and as most of you remember from that day calls just weren't going through anywhere. I get my stuff together and drive out to Springfield to see what is happening at the store. My assistant manager was there and she had sent home everyone else. I relieved her and thanked her for her actions and told her to go home to be with her family.

I kept the store open until my employees came in at 6:00 pm, so I could make sure that they knew to go home. But, remarkably at about 5:45, I started to get business (grocery store right across from me). So, I stayed open to supply people with something to take their minds off of the tragedy, if just for a moment. The twins (I had twin Customer Service guys) came in and told them that they should go back home. They saw the people at the store and refused to leave until I could as well.

So, sometime around 9:00 pm, the Giant closed up and we followed that example. Before we left we lit candles and the 3 of us stood in vigil outside the stores and were joined by some of the others who were still there to say a little prayer.

Every September 11th, I remember. I remember the shock. I remember the terror. I remember the uncertainty. I remember the kindness. I remember the unity.

People for a brief moment put away their difference and united as a world. United, we are kind. United, we are open. United, we love. United, we stand.

I only wish it did not take such great tragedy for us to remember the strength of unity.

Much Love,


The Pursuit of Knowledge: Election 2008

So, we are in the final swing of the 2008 Election. The major parties have their tickets put together in pretty little packages. The minor parties do not have enough presence to warrant discussion. No one's platform has been clearly defined and we are being asked to vote for "change" by both sides of this The mudslinging has started. But, before you duck for cover, make sure you have all the facts you need to make an informed decision on November 4, 2008.

Some great sources for information:

~ is a great non-partisan website that lists information on each candidate and where they stand on the issues.

~ has a nice countdown clock to remind you how much time you have until it is time to start voting and some tabs at the top with each candidate and a couple of news feeds about each.


Sept 26, 2008: Presidential debate w/ domestic policy focus, U. of Mississippi, Oxford, MS
Oct 2, 2008: Vice Presidential debate, Washington University, St. Louis, MO
Oct 7, 2008: Presidential debate in a town hall format, Belmont U., Nashville, TN
Oct 15, 2008: Presidential debate w/ foreign policy focus, Hofstra U., Hempstead, NY

~ Talk to your friends that you know who actually have smart political opinions (keyword: smart) that have decided on whom they are voting. Understand that they will have their biases already in place and make sure you talk to someone who is voting for each of the major candidates, so you may hear at least both sides with equal bias. This is by far my least favorite way to proceed, but it is better than being uninformed.

Please, take the opportunity to allow yourself to be open enough to make an informed decision and vote using your head and heart (yes, both of them).

I know it is interesting for me to be putting a blog out there about seeking non-partisan information after posting a blog about my dislike for a candidate; however, that is just my opinion and you are welcome to factor that how you please. Your opinion may vary and that is great that means you actually have an opinion and are at the very least on your way to making a smart decision.

If you have any other good sites to look at let me know. If you have an opinion that you would like to share, please attach it opposed to my last blog and we will try to keep this link as neutral as possible.

Good luck and happy voting!


An Article About Sarah Palin

Here at the is an article written by Eve Ensler, best known for writing The Vagina Monologues. In this article she talks from a Feminist's point-of-view and how everything that Sarah Palin believes in is antithetical to the Feminism.

From an environmental stand-point, I will not allow myself to vote for a ticket that has someone who's state is suing the Federal government over the inclusion of the polar bear to the endangered species list, because it interferes with the state's ability to drill for oil and gas. I think this article is well written and better describes how I have been feeling about this election since Mrs. Palin's addition to the McCain ticket.


Ridiculous Website of the Week: Ask A Ninja

For a good laugh check out Ask a Ninja

Personal favorite: "Minjas"

What is yours?

First thing to know...people lie.
Second thing to know...don't ever trust someone beyond what they have earned.
Third thing to know...when dealing in a situation where something feels wrong, it probably is.

Alright, so what am I talking about? Well, over the course of my life time and through dealing with compulsive liars growing up, playing poker for a living & dating someone who was less than honest I have honed my skills of lie detecting to a degree that is almost scary. And guess what it boils down to two things: Observation & Pattern Recognition.

I observe everything when watching a person. From the way they stand, how often they blink, their hands, the nervous habits that they do when they are uncomfortable, inflection of their voice, their pulse & their eyes. Most of this just comes second nature and I don't realize I have done it until someone does something that goes against their typical mannerisms and style.

That is the aspect of pattern recognition. Noticing when something is out of the ordinary and analyzing why. Why are you looking away when you always look dead in my eyes when talking? Why did you hesitate before saying that last bit? Why did you rush through your entire commentary when you are usually very measured? Are you clinching your fists? This extends beyond the scope of just lie detection into the realm of emotional recognition, as well. Seeing into the depths of a person's psyche beyond the smile on their face, etc.

Why is this so important? Well, take a look at the first statement. People lie and if you can detect it, you are given a leg up on them and everyone else as the knowledge is power. I play poker and if I could not detect a bluff, I would not be as good at it as I am. I would be purely playing on statistical value, which has its merits but is only part of the full picture.

There, however, are people out there that are hard to get a read on when they are lying. Either they have honed that skill very successfully (Politicians :-p) or they are just compulsive liars. When dealing with the latter I just assume that everything that they say that I can't confirm is a lie and move on. I tend to sever ties with people who are exhibiting a pattern of lying, it is for the best. Nothing will bother you more than someone that knows that you know that they are lying but continues to do it anyway.

There is reason why you have to earn trust and it is not just doled out to the masses. People don't know how to handle having so much power and we abuse it. We just can't help ourselves, its a weird fascination with testing our boundaries and such. I test another boundary; however. What happens when someone tells the truth all the time? Is this acceptable or are there situations where a lie is appropriate and maybe even necessary? I think there are situations where lying is the easiest way out, but I prefer in those situations to keep my responses short and not give out so much of the truth as to harm someone.


1. Pay attention
2. Question variances
3. Trust your instincts
4. The truth will set you free


Schooling and Such

Last week I started my classes. I am taking them all on-line and am very happy with my fast progress in my classes. It feels good to be an overachieving nerd again. I have learned that I have no desire to be an accountant, I could teach the first 2 chapters of Statistics and I think I wrote my business book. So, overall a very good feeling scholastically.

I have decided to again put a hold on alcohol consumption for many reasons, but I think it to be necessary mainly because I have become an Emotional Drunk and that just won't do. I like to be stable and in control of my emotions but recently I have been an absolute wreck after getting intoxicated. NO BUENO!

So, if you see me with a drink in hand anytime in the coming week, do me a favor and slap it out of my hand. NUFF SAID!

On to other fronts. I think I am going to force myself to survive with living in Manassas Park at least until May of next year, though I am sure that I will still have my crazy streaks, it has lent well to my studying needs. Then I will decide if I need to relocate to Fairfax, DC, or College Park based on scholastic desires.

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day Weekend and that this week has gotten off to a good start.


How To Be Dead by Snow Patrol

So, this week on my musical blog, I am reintroducing people to Snow Patrol and their musical efforts prior to the success of the single "Chasing Cars". this song is from the Album Final Straw. The album features many other great songs that I encourage to you to listen to in your own time. Check out "Run" & "Chocolate"

Anyway, enjoy the sounds of a great band


Chaconne by Johann Sebastian Bach as Performed by Nathan Milstein

I promised a classical piece this week for my musical blog after doing a tribute to LeRoi Moore last week in place of one for this week. For those of you that do not have an appreciation for this genre of music I suggest that you watch a friend of mine's "Video of the Week" from this past Saturday, featuring Benjamin Zander Actually, I encourage you to watch the video even if you do have the aforementioned appreciation.

Partita for Violin No. 2 by Johann Sebastian Bach is considered one of the most difficult pieces of music for a violinist to master. Attached you will find the Fifth Movement (The Ciaccona), which is an exhausting 13 to 15 minutes in length and dwarfs the prior four movements combined.

The version that I am presenting to you is performed by Nathan Milstein and is in 2 parts (It's a long piece). I hope you enjoy.



Everyone should check out this site and have some ridiculous fun.

Yearbook Yourself

I'll post some pics when I get a chance.

My LOTR-type Journey to Get My Books

Modes of transportation used: Metrobus, Metro, Cab, Omnibus & VRE.

But, after the numerous changes, I got my books for my classes that started today and I have done my assignments for Week #1 in 2 of the classes. WOOT!

So, glad to have this chapter of my life underway. Hopefully, it will be a good one.


Most of Life is a Game...

And really should be treated as such.

With the exceptions of those that you allow close to you and those that allow you to be close to them, everyone else is merely a player in this stage of your life. When you start dealing with these characters as such, their actions all of the sudden seem appropriate for them and have less cause of drama on your actual life.

I am very lucky to have people who get me, who I believe will always be a part of my life in one regard or another. One has already been there for a good chuck of my life and the others I have just recently (within the year) had the pleasure of gaining their friendship. They are the ones that matter and they are the ones that will be allowed to affect me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I won't be open to anyone else coming along. I am not completely full, but at this very moment I have everything I need.

Sex and the Olympic City

A funny and fantastic article written for the Times UK edition. It's amazing just how much sex goes on during the Olympics. Well, maybe not amazing. It does make sense. You put together a large group of aggressive persons with fantastic bodies in a village to which only they have access. Oh and have them stay there after they have been eliminated from competition. I think a little something something is bound to happen.


So, how about a haiku...

Your lips are so soft,
Your conversation graceful,
It's just--you're not him.

-Joel Derfner

That can be so true sometimes.


"41" by Dave Matthews Band

I was going to do a music blog this week with classical music. But, unfortunate events do change things from time to time.

LeRoi Moore, founding member of the Dave Matthews Band and a ridiculous saxophonist, died yesterday at the age of 46. Read the AP Obit on the

Throughout my lifetime I have seen the Dave Matthews Band perform several times at different venues. This combination of musicians has always been one of my favorites. "41" is my favorite of their songs for its complicated simplicity (oxymoron, I know). I think it showcases the entire bands talent, especially Roi Moore's.

So, today's song is a tribute to Roi. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have over the years. Rest in Peace, Roi.


Yes! It has been a week!

Sorry, I have been lame...yet again. I did not even put out a music blog last week. Oops!

But now I am back and I wish I could locate the on-line version of the commercial for "The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World...Ever!" The sinister way that the announcer says "...Ever!" on 5 different occasions is amazingly sinister and made me laugh over and over again.

Ironically, it did work to get me to remember the album name and to listen to some classical music last night. One of the pieces I am sure I will post about tomorrow (foreshadow). Also, tomorrow night on Project Runway, the designers will be designing costumes for drag queens & I am hosting a little gathering in Manassas at the Compound followed by some redneck karaoke, it should be tragically fun.

So, I hope there is some good posting from here on out. :-)


Level One: A quick review.

Last night, I was by association invited to dine at Level One, the new restaurant that will be opening its doors to the public very, very soon.The restaurant is located on the first floor of the building that also houses Cobalt & 30 Degrees. Overall, for a employee opening it was a fantastic success. There were some minor critiques given to the management staff that I hope they take constructively.

The Cajun Chicken Sandwich, Burger with Gorgonzola Cheese & Pot Stickers were among the favorites for our table. Very good quality cheese is being used for the burgers and the taste was exquisite. The pot stickers were fried to perfection and the sauce accompanying it was delicious as well.

Only, food complaints from me were as follows: The calamari were just not right. They lacked the right flavor and the use of only the rings was just not getting it done for me. On an up note the chef was not particularly happy about this dish and seemed to take the feedback well. The Lemon-Caper Aioli was a good sauce to accompany calamari and I am hopeful that this dish will be improved when they are fully open. The bun for the burgers were burnt and I think that has to be stopped from making it to a table in such a state.

The staff, overall seems friendly, but I think further training in their respective areas will yield better results. No where on 17th Street do you get exceptional customer service at a restaurant and I think this leaves Level One with a fantastic opportunity to capitalize on this failure, just by being friendly. The host stand did not know exactly how to be the face of the restaurant and did not greet us in the most friendly of manners, which I hope is only because of the hecticness of the situation and not a foreshadow to future performance.

The night was a success and great times were had over a couple bottles of wine with good friends. I wish them good luck and hope to see a lot of success come from this space. Once their website is up and running I will give a link to it.

You Know You Are Firing On All Cylinders When...

The following conversation happens with a drag queen, who is noted for being on her toes and quick to respond.

Drag Queen, upon leaving: "So, I'll see you at home."
Me: "Yes, wear something tight." (Line stolen from the same drag queen)
Drag Queen: "..." (evil glare, no words)

Priceless Moment.


On Ralph Waldo Emerson & Transcendentalism

So, I mentioned in a post at the beginning of the week that I would be blogging in regards to a great man (like taxis in San Francisco...of which there are 5) and I am trying to be a man of my words. So, without further ado, ladies & gentlemen, I present to you Ralph Waldo Emerson.

So, why an entire blog about his man? Let's start with giving you a brief bio pulled from our friends at Wiki.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (25 May 1803 – 27 April 1882) was an American essayist, philosopher, poet, and leader of the Transcendentalist movement in the early 19th century. His teachings directly influenced the growing New Thought movement of the mid 1800s.

Emerson gradually moved away from the religious and social beliefs of his contemporaries, formulating and expressing the philosophy of Transcendentalism in his 1836 essay, Nature. As a result of this ground breaking work he gave a speech entitled The American Scholar in 1837, which Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. considered to be America's "Intellectual Declaration of Independence".[1] Emerson once said "Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

Considered one of the great orators of the time, Emerson's enthusiasm and respect for his audience enraptured crowds. His support for abolitionism late in life created controversy, and at times he was subject to abuse from crowds while speaking on the topic, however this was not always the case. When asked to sum up his work, he said his central doctrine was "the infinitude of the private man."

Internal monologue (externally projected)

-So, that made this blog very clear.
-Wait! No, it just talked a bit about who he was. So...What?!?
-It shows he's a great man, an inspired thinker & a fantastic orator.
-You want more?
-Yes, please.

What does all that mean? Well, let us start with Transcendentalism (powerful word in scrabble). I hope you noticed the subtle fact that I linked the same topic three times and took the time to glance over the page that is through those portals.

Transcendentalism was a basis for my personal growth and my faith in myself throughout my young adulthood. I am not going to bore you with the exacting details of the Utopian ideas that were set forth by the movement, but rather what I have gathered from some of the key thoughts.

The closing line of the essay "Nature":

So shall we come to look at the world with new eyes. It shall answer the endless inquiry of the intellect, — What is truth? and of the affections, — What is good? by yielding itself passive to the educated Will. ... Build, therefore, your own world. As fast as you conform your life to the pure idea in your mind, that will unfold its great proportions. A correspondent revolution in things will attend the influx of the spirit.

Perhaps, the proof is not that easy to discern from a couple of lines, but my central beliefs in life revolve around the concepts of the movement. Spend each day being the best you that you can be and by adhering to the purity of your ideas you will create a better world around yourself. Ask questions, learn daily. Attack confrontation, argue for the sake of growth. Forget nonsense, push toward the positive.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, through his thoughts, essays & poems, had a profound impact on the individual that I have become. Piece this together with some of my previous writings and I am sure you have a good basis of the person that resides on this side of keyboard, for better or worse.

Lastly, a few quotes from Mr. Emerson (because this blog is not nearly long enough):

"I notice that as soon as writers broach this question they begin to quote. I hate quotation. Tell me what you know." (

"A friend is one before whom I may think aloud." (I do this a bit too often with my patchwork mind)

"Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think."

"Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints."

"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."

"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."

Okay, I think you get it now or at least stopped my internal dialogue in regards to the fact. Either way, that brings this blog to a close. Have a fantastic weekend, all!


"Life Is Sweet" by Natalie Merchant

I have always had a bit of a gay boy crush on Natalie Merchant, since her time with the 10,000 Maniacs through to her solo career. I was intoxicated by her voice and her subtle beauty. The MTV Unplugged that they did in 1993 was, in my humble opinion, one of the best done by any performer for the series.

This song is from her second solo effort Ophelia. It is not the most successful single from that album, ("Kind & Generous") but it was my favorite.

The lyrics:

It's a pity It's a crying shame
He pulled you down again
How painful it must be
To bruise so easily
It's a pity it's a downright crime
It happens all the time
You wanna stay little daddy's girl
You wanna hide from the viscous world...
Don't cry you know the tears will do no good
So dry your eyes
Your daddy he's the iron man
Battle ship wrecked on dry land
Your mamma she's a bitter bride
She'll never be satisfied
You know, and that's not right
But don't cry
You know the tears will do no good
So dry your eyes
They told you life is hard
Misery from the start, it's dull
It's slow, it's painful
But I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more, be grateful
Well, who do you believe
Who will you listen to, who will it be
Because it's high time that you decide
In your own mind
I've tried to comfort you
I tried to tell you to be patient
That they are blind and they can't see
Fortune gonna come one day
It all gonna fade away
Your daddy the war machine
And your momma the long and suffering
Prisoner of what she can not see
For they told you life is hard
Misery from the start, it's dull,
It's slow, it's painful
But I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more, be grateful
So who will you believe
Who will you listen to
Who will it be
Because it's high time that you decide
It's time to make up your own
Your own state of mind
They told you life is long
Be thankful when it's done
Don't ask for more, be grateful
But I tell you life is short
Be thankful, because before you know it
It will be over
Because life is sweet
Life is all so very short
Life is sweet
And life is all so very short
Life is sweet
Life is sweet

Life is very short and it is very sweet. Remember that when the miseries set in. They will come and go with time if you embrace the joy and the joyness. ;-)

So, as always, I hope you enjoy it.


An Affected Youth & Emotional Evolution

As many of you have come to know me, I am sure that you are realizing that I am a creature of emotion. I feel them, I sense them in others and I like discussions that bring them into play, in one form or another. This is not to say that I am ruled by my emotions. I do not use them as the sole reason for making any decision. As a youth, I stopped allowing myself to feel and dealt with everything in a rational, yet cold, manner. In my mid-to-late twenties, I allowed myself to feel too much and not rationalize at all, hopelessly romanticizing my existence. How did I transition through all of these phases? What caused each phase shift?

At the age of 13, my parents divorced, and I was uprooted and relocated to Delaware with my younger brothers and my mother. I had no desire to move from where I was already settled or be away from my father. The divorce was bitter and my mother used the fact that my dad left her as a tool to breed anger in her sons. I have resented her for this my entire life, though now I have an understanding of the her character and see why she thought it necessary, which I am not going to address.

This event catapulted me toward not feeling emotions and to become more of an adult and less a child at an age that I feel is too young to make that abrupt transition. I would not allow myself to become attached to anyone or anything on the chance that tomorrow they went away. I was also dealing with the fact that I was more attracted to guys than I was to girls. I existed in an emotional shell and most of my friends from that era would probably agree that they knew only two key things about me: I was intelligent & I was fast witted.

I did not cry between the ages of 13 and 22. I would not allow it to happen and feared the weakness that it would show. I felt these emotions inside of me that were conflicting with everything that seemed to be correct. I did not trust anyone. I did not take any chances. In short I did not live.

In June 1999, my mother told me she was going to sell the house that I was living in and that I would either need to move with her to Salisbury or that I would need to find some other living arrangement. I cracked. Later that night in the house that was my safe place, I cried for the first time for hours. It was the cracking of my shell of control, something that I had not experienced in my young life. Up to that point, I felt that I had ultimate control over everything that happened in my life.

This breaking did have a bit of an upside, I started feeling again. Not to say that I instantly changed my stoic ways, but rather began to progress into feeling emotions. A good thing, yes, but not a great thing. As an emotional sponge, I absorbed everything and took it to heart without ever filtering it through my brain. Movies made me cry, I fell in love instantly, by receiving the attention of another. I became the co-dependent in a relationship that almost destroyed me.

This relationship while short from a lifetime perspective was a significant turning point in my life and my growth. I fell in love with someone that may have loved me, but took advantage of the person that I was and the trust that I now automatically tossed to him. I don't know how many times I was betrayed in this relationship, but it was significant enough that after 18 months and one last betrayal it was time to call it quits. I left without discussion and had an emotional breakdown about a mile from home.

I returned to discuss the betrayal and decided that as a significant co-dependent that I still wanted to work through things. He, thankfully, said that he didn't love me and that he did not want to keep up the charade. The next day, while he was at work, I tried to kill the pain and myself. I took a enough Zoloft to kill a small pony and went to sleep. With great luck, I woke up with the worst headache of my life and stopped taking anti-depressants.

I moved out and moved on. I still had and have issues dealing with that failure of a relationship, but it woke up something within me that I can only describe as a mental filter. I allowed myself to feel emotions and started to learn how to deal with them. It took me a couple of years to be able to trust someone again.

I met Mitchell earlier this year and through his challenges on emotions and many other topics reminded me how to be me. After that reminder, I opened myself to trusting people again, some times maybe too much. Though I am no longer going to brood over someone's decisions and allow them to affect me for an extended period.

My friends help me to grow and learn. I am thankful everyday for the happiness and joy that they bring me, even when frustrating the hell out of each other. Keeping myself on track and understanding who I am will be a continual process. But, I know with my friends help, life will be grand.

I will trust, I will be betrayed, I will love, I will hurt and I will live. I know that I will continue to be plagued by the uncertainties of other people, but that's okay, because I know who I am, I know where I have been and I know, for the moment, where I am headed.


The Weekend That Was

Things learned this weekend:

-- Mario Spinetti puts on an amazing solo show.

-- The show was only enhanced by seeing it with some of the best people in my world.

-- Don't go to the pool on the weekend, you will only be thwarted by the deep end not being open and one-way streets.

-- Watching the sunset over the city from the "Our Lady of Perpetual Help" parking lot is awesome and sometimes we fail to appreciate these things.

-- Some people don't get it. Don't spend your emotional energy here.

-- Some people do get it. Spend your emotional energy here.

-- "Follow You Down" is fun to sing at SNK.

-- I start a bit early on the song "Interstate Love Song" Waiting...still waiting.

-- Road trips looking for a great view are fun, even when trees thwart the view. (Yes, I just used thwarted for now a 3rd time in this post.)

-- There are people, who can listen to the bass of their music at such a level that you can feel it for 4 hours on a Saturday morning.

-- Two thoughts have prevailed well. One, a paraphrase: Concentrate your day around the hundreds of things that go right, instead of the 5 or 6 that go wrong and you will be much happier.

-- The other, a quote: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson (there will be a blog later this week in reference to him)

-- Learning again to have fun, be less serious, never hurt people intentionally, love all, trust few and live life.

-- Learning that I cannot count my thoughts, but will leave that little error, because: I'm Real!

How was your weekend? & What the fuck have you done lately?

I'm Not Feeing You Blasting Your Bass So That I Can Feel It

Wait, yes I am feeling it, my bad. But, seriously, at least make it level with music so I can make out the rest of the shit pumping thru your speakers.



Let's Get This Weekend Started!

If I don't have anything to report on Monday then I am just not trying hard enough...

Schedule of events:

Friday (Tonight)

Working at Town at the FroZone & Hopefully catching some of Round 2 of This Town Has Talent.


Nothing until early evening planned but I should be gathering with a few friends as they gather for some pre-Town beverages.

Then it is on to Town, where I will be working upstairs in the typical corner and throwing drinks together for the masses.


I hope to make an appearance at a Sunday Kegger

Catching Mario Spinetti at the Kennedy Center Millennium Stage at 6 PM

Then swingong on over to Sunday Night Karaoke!


See ya all oot & aboot!


I am...

I am not perfect and will never claim to be. I am better than some in some aspects of life and worse than others in some aspects as well. I am not jaded. I do trust too often now. I do things that I know better than to do. I regret. I don't play games unnecessarily. I forgive but never forget. I love. I analyze my emotions and sometimes marvel over their origins. I am nice as a default, but will bite back when provoked. I never lie, but I will misdirect with the truth sometimes. I will change the way you think. I will be changed by my interactions. I enjoy writing a first-person descriptive paragraph, that borders on too long and unstructured. I like to talk about nutrition. I justify buying things based off of need and divert money from being spent at the bar to pay for it. I am at this moment who I want to be, yet I am not complete.

Rest in Peace: Mr. Boyd

This is an excerpt from the

SEAFORD — The Delaware State Police Collision Reconstruction Unit is investigating a fatal motor vehicle crash that occurred earlier today. Investigators responded to the area of Oak Grove Rd just north of Stein Highway at 11:08 am after it was reported a vehicle struck a bicyclist.

Investigators learned a 2003 Chevy Pick-up, operated by Gerald C. Walter, 31 years of age from Seaford was northbound on Oak Grove Road approximately ¾ mile north of Stein Highway. The bicyclist, identified as Carl R. Boyd, 61 years of age of Seaford, was also riding his bicycle northbound on Oak Grove Road in front of the pick-up. He was riding all the way on the right side of the lane, as there were no shoulders.

As the truck approached the bicyclist, the truck’s right front bumper struck the bicyclist in the rear causing the crash. As a result, Mr. Boyd was thrown forward into a ditch. He sustained life-threatening injuries and was pronounced dead at Nanticoke Memorial Hospital.

The cause of this crash is currently under investigation. Alcohol is not a factor. Because of the crash, Oak Grove Road was closed approximately 3 hours.

Mr. Carl R. Boyd was my chemistry and physics teacher at Laurel High School. He taught me how to push myself in academics and helped me throughout numerous competitions, training me in the ways of physics & the periodic table. He was a great teacher and after high school a good friend. Wherever it is that we end up after we leave this world I hope he is there enjoying himself and at peace.

Mr. Boyd, your instruction will be missed by the youth of tomorrow.


Lets Retro!

Last night I worked the George Michael show at the Verizon Center, which from what I could hear sounded good. I made some moneys, which is always a plus and overall just had a good time. Must say, I am not a fan of bartending in a tie, but whatever. I did meet some guys that will be coming to Town this weekend, including the one who gave me the highlight of my evening:

"You are out of club soda, honey, do you know what kinda crowd this is?"
"Yes, I see you bitches on Friday & Saturday night" *Smiling*
"Oh, where do you work?"
"Oh my God! I'll see you this weekend. Just give me tonic, instead."

So, anyway, I closed up my bar, took my bag of "popcorn" and waited 30 minutes to cash out. Once, out of Verizon ("Verison," apparently in my textese.) I looked for a cab, nope...walked to Metro Center without finding one hopped on the red line and wisked away to Cobalt to meet up with 2/3rds of The Brain for some dancing.

I "learned" some break dance moves thanks to the instructional video being played. And I danced for a good 30 minutes and was done. It was a tad hot and I don't like being a hot sweaty mess.

So, I wandered around and talked to people that I have not really talked to in a while outside of our respective work environments, which was a good time.

All in all, a much needed good time was had. Thank you, my friends.


"Delirious" by Mario Spinetti

This Sunday, August 3rd, Mario Spinetti makes his Washington, DC debut at the Kennedy Center's Millennium Stage. The show starts at 6 PM and is FREE. Don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity to see an amazing musician.

Delirious - Mario Spinetti

Adversity, My Old Friend, Strengthens Friendships or Tears Them Down.

I want my filter back. This past week has provided me with some shocks that are not so pleasant. There was no winning this past week, so therefore now I learn and grow.

Something happened this week that should never have happened in the first place, but through a poor mix of situations, science and liquid inhibitors; it did. So, me being me I started dealing with it. Unfortunately there is another party involved and he is dealing with it differently, which makes anything good coming from adversity difficult. I am going to elaborate, me thinks, as best as I see fit without giving away the world to all of you.

I instigated crossing a line with a friend without having a conversation with this friend first. The next day, I completely regretted it and received an e-mail from this friend discussing how that we can't be more than friends and that we should just take what happened with a grain of salt. What was said in the e-mail, I respect and say as much when we IM after I read it. There is some light humor (typical of both of our personalities) and I leave it by saying that I still want to talk about a few things face-to-face (which is my preferred method of communication, it takes all the trickery of lack of inflection out of the picture).

I spend much of my time on Thursday analyzing my emotions through my process. 1) Is it logical to have the emotion?, 2) Is it positive to have the emotion? & 3) Is it the correct emotion overall? Yes, No, No. Are the short answers. (Detailed answers by appointment only) If the answer to any of the three questions is "no" then "Houston, we have a problem!"

Then comes Friday night, my friend doesn't go to a party, tells me he did perhaps to not have to deal with me and then thinks everything through and the lightheartedness of our prior conversation goes away. In fact, all conversation goes away. I received 3 text messages from this friend on Saturday and they were "No", "No" & "Ok". So, I only find out how he felt betrayed by reading about it elsewhere. Also, my true nature has now come in to question. And I can't do anything more than try to communicate, as I have done to get beyond this circumstance.

So, now here I am looking not only at this action but analyzing two things: What the hell happened with me last week that all kinds of discretion went flying out the window? & What do/did I want from that friendship? So, let's deal with the second question first.

I wanted a friend that it was simple to hang around and enjoy myself. Someone, that had similar tastes in a lot of areas. A person that I didn't feel on edge around. Someone, that helps me continue to grow as a person. Actually, just the things that I typically look for in a friend.

Overall, I got what I was looking for from him and I never felt awkward, even immediately following that evening as it seemed like we were going to deal with it and move on. He was a good friend to me and I tried to be one to him. I don't know what he wants or even wanted from me, nor do I understand how things flipped. It can all be my fault.

However, I started talking about needing my filter back. I need it for a few functions: 1) So, I don't haphazardly kiss guys (no offense to any of you, if you read this you were probably pretty good at it anyway, or I would have told you) 2) So, I stay sharp and pay attention to possible issues that can arise from my interactions with people. 3) So, I utilize the lessons of my past when confronted with them in the future.

I met too many great people this year. (YES! I am complaining about the number of great people I have met...wait no I am not!) What I mean by that is I very much let my guard down and let my filter dissolve. I started floating along and I believe I have been less thoughtful, inspired and communicative then I was before. I have also been more trusting, more whimsical and more of a lush.

I close by saying this: *edit--I meant something more along this line* I do not, honestly regret my actions but more how everything progressed from that moment on. This all sucks! But, I have learned yet another valuable lesson and I am sure it won't be the only thing I learn from this, both fortunately and unfortunately.

Signing out as a Class 5 Douchebag.


Dream a Weird Dream

So last night/this morning, I had a dream about a Post Hunt sequel. It was stunningly more difficult than the one that I was involved with this past May. I had a different team, which made none of us very happy. My team consisted of my roommate, her sister and Kim's husband, Brian.

We went to the location of the first puzzle, which is a public library. The librarian, of course, is my old high school's librarian. She shushed us countless times as we worked on the puzzle. The puzzle had these clues that each stood for a letter of the alphabet and fell into a puzzle at the bottom of the page to make 2 words. I started tackling the puzzle and for some reason my team did not assist me and are angry at me for taking on the work. So, I got up and left and said something to the effect of, "fine! you go ahead and do it."

I headed over to the next closest puzzle, which was in this room filled with pictures of geese and and this clue giver in a foxhunter's outfit. The answer to the clue, which had some weird long question sheet that didn't make a lot of sense, was Goose Creek Golf Course. My dad helped me with the answer, because in the dream of course he was standing in the room for this purpose.

So, I rushed back to find my team and they had already left the library. I called Sam's cell and it kicked me straight to voicemail. I called Liz's phone, but it had been disconnected and the message told me she owe $63.52. (Sorry Liz!) So, I ended up running into Liz, who was outside smoking a cigarette and waiting for Sam. Same, naturally, had to pee. She told me where to find Brian who was working on the 3rd clue, conveniently in a tent about 50 yards away.

I walked into this tent and it is a demo for EA Sports Tiger Woods 2009 and it's 8-layer control feel. Whatever the hell that means? Unfortunately, I woke up at this point without solving this clue or getting any further along.

The dream was just a tad odd and worth a humor note, if anything.


Bar Etiquette, The Sequel

A list of general things to expect from your bartender, when you do certain things.

1) You don't tip. Your bartender will remember your face and ignore your existence at his bar until it is painful.

2) You flirt with your bartender and tip poorly. Your bartender will take the money and continue on his merry way. DO NOT ASK OR GIVE YOUR NUMBER AT THIS POINT.

3) You wave at or motion for your bartender to come to you. Your bartender will wave back or motion for you to come to him and he will continue doing what he was doing before you did this.

4) You whistle, yell, order from behind other guests, order from down the bar. Your bartender will ignore your pleas, just be quiet and wait like a good bar patron.

5) You are being creepy. Your bartender will tell you so.

6) You order one drink at a time. Your bartender will either say "Is that all?", "There are other guests", "Rude!", "I'm sorry I thought you were done the second time." or something else along those lines. DO NOT DO THIS, WE ARE BUSY AND IT IS RUDE!

7) You hang out in front of the bartender's service area. Your bartender will spill something to make you go away. We are here to make money and you are the reason I am not making it at that given point. GET YOUR DRINK AND MOVE TO THE SIDE OR AWAY WHEN IT IS BUSY.

8) You want a complicated drink and you fail to tip well. Your bartender will have short term memory loss the next time you come up and won't be able to make your drink.

9) You were comped your drink and you tipped a dollar. Your bartender will never comp a drink to you, again.

10) You were comped a drink, you barely tip and you flirt with the bartender. SEE #2, you are wasting your time.

The Need for Intimacy Revisited

Revisited because I see how it has driven a lot of us (people as an inclusive) crazy in the past. I should also add, because one person made a statement that brought me to rethinking about my need for intimacy, perhaps there is a reason for you being 1st Brain.

The statement, greatly paraphrased not because of lack of memory but more for purpose was this: Why do you need intimacy, if you have everything else that you need without it? And after wrapping my brain around that for a bit, I have realized I do have intimacy. Intimacy to the level of description from our good friends at Wikipedia, the first two paragraphs are as follows:

The meaning of intimacy varies from relationship to relationship, and within a given relationship. Intimacy has more to do with rituals of connection. It is possible to compete over intimacy but that is likely to be self-defeating. Intimacy requires empathy - the ability to stand in another's shoes.

Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other. This ability to be separate and together in an intimate relationship and being okay with that is called self-differentiation. Lacking the ability to differentiate one self from the other is a form of symbiosis. This too is different from intimacy though to some that kind of dependent closeness may feel the same.

I have these familiar relationships with my closest friends. What I found was that I was not lacking intimacy but that I was lacking something that I may not need in a relationship: symbiosis. I have in the past in my relationships become rather absorbed in the other person. I lost some of my own personality and it takes me a bit to recover each time.

I do know what it is that I am lacking that I do want however now with a little soul-searching (Still looking for that, huh?)... I want to feel "wanted." (Please define.) I have some amazing friends, but I don't know how much I can contribute to our relationships. (Why?) Not because I run sub-dialogue in parenthetical blips, (You do.) but because I have an obsessive need to know that what I am doing is beneficial to somebody else.

I feel badly about staying with friends' places over the weekend, not because I wouldn't do the same thing for any of them, but because I don't see what they can ever get out of the situation. It makes me feel invasive, which going back to the last statement of the last paragraph is not helping that need.

Also, there is a bit of a longing for a singular person with which I will have both a sexual and intimate connection and I think this is what I was thinking about before. I just didn't know exactly what I was missing, nor was I coping with it well.

I am not going to let my "longing" interfere with my relationships with anyone else any longer. (Yeah right.) No, really, I need you to call me out on it when it does. Further, I need you all to ask me "what's going on inside of that head of yours?" And not to accept the response of "nothing" indefinitely. Make me talk, make me ramble, make me cry... I like it. (Apparently)

Until next time, kids. I know you want more witty tales and the general tomfoolery of my days, but remember half of that is dependent on you.

"Run" by Gnarls Barkley

So, a Nelly Furtado cover of "Crazy" came on at CPK yesterday after a long day of shopping with Cam & boy. I think I probably said something along the line of "Really?" and a conversation ensued that we will entitle: "What the fuck have you done lately, Gnarls Barkley?" I defended them saying that the freshman effort was incredible and that I like this song from the sophomore effort. Anytime you add Cee-Lo Green and Brian Joseph Burton (aka Danger Mouse) together you can count me in.

(Update: 7/21/08)...the cover played at CPK was this one by Shawn Colvin, thank you for the correction my friend. That doesn't effect the context of the conversation, as we were thinking it might be Sarah McLachlan, but we all get the point.



An Open Mike, a 2 Block Walk, Chipotle Ice & No Jalapenos

So yesterday, "The Brain" ventured to Old Town Alexandria for numerous reasons but this story only involves the search for Chipotle. So, I proclaim while we are on King St. that I think that the Chipotle is about 2 blocks down the road. So, we park and begin are walk.

About 20 paces from where the car is parked is a place called Tiffany's Tavern. Outside of this establishment is a sign that reads: THE BEST BURGERS BLUEGRASS AND OPEN MIKE IN TOWN. So, this little bit of misspelling and poor grammar lent itself to a couple of fun observations:

Like maybe going inside and asking for Mike and inquiring into just how "open" he was.
How open does Mike have to be to be considered the Best Open Mike in Town?
Would the 2nd Best Open Mike in Town benefit from a name change?
Can you challenge his "openness" by presenting him with situations that he may not be so "open."

So, back to the 2 block walk. So, I may have misjudged the distance we were away from the Chipotle by a few blocks:

View Larger Map

At Chipotle, because the CDC says so, I am not allowed raw Jalapeno peppers because people with compromised immune systems, infants and the elderly may be susceptible to illness caused by the consumption. Fancy word-jockeying to not say the word "salmonella" aside I wanted me some peppers. Robbie's statement of thank goodness I already got my security upgrade downloaded...or something along that line was well played.

The Ice Machines at Chipotle are admittedly scary, thanks Mitchell. :-) The employee at Chipotle did not gather what the questioning was all about when she was filling the ice and Mitchell was trying to figure out why it was set up the way it was and i think she thought that he was either a) messing with her, b) really stupid or c) ate a jalapeno as evidenced by the "shaking jalapeno syndrome."

Funny day including more talk of "open mike" on the way back to the car, pictures of said sign (which I still am too lame to upload, NOW you can see it on the District Diaries, thank you "3rd Brain" and a LOTR type journey.

Thanks guys! You da bestest!


Simple Update

Yes, I have not done great work with my blog recently. Though I think there have been moments that still have been at least on the above average side of writing. I have been so focused on getting things the way I need them to be, in order to accomplish a few goals. 1) To take classes and get my B.S. so I might actually go on to get an MBA. 2)Being happy, which has been a challenge from both a geographic and psychological standpoint. 3) Getting an additional job to occupy some of my time and to make life from a economic standpoint easier.

I LOVE my friends and had the privilege of having brunch with 3 of the best that I have today. Our conversations, even about nothing are awesome. I like the way we think. It was at this brunch that I was scorned for my lack of note taking at work and the lack of content for my blog(s).

I am a writer who really needs inspiration. I can churn out an essay or a meaningless rant with the best of them. But, my best content is typically from random observations from my interactions with people, especially my friends. Remember, from the last paragraph, I like the way we think.

So, yes this is just more filler for now, but someone needs to hook a boy up with some material. Please, do something stupid or funny or weird. Say something intelligent, challenge me and make me think outside my narrow perspective. Feed me, people! Come On!!


"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

I am going to admit it...I love Jason Mraz! There I said it. He is goofy cute. What? He is :-)

I also think he has a great command of the English language and his 3rd album is a great example of just how good he is at songwriting. Give this a listen and consider picking up his latest effort We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.

Also, check out his site



Did I stop thinking?

I stopped thinking. Somewhere, somehow, I just kind of hit the "auto-pilot" button and started cruising along at a "safe" altitude. The problem with safe altitudes and cruising along is that nothing changes and nothing is learned.

For about 2 month, I stopped meaning "how are you?" when I asked someone. I became like everyone else in meaning that as a simple greeting and almost as if it is a rhetorical question with the implied answer of "fine." I became someone less. Someone...not ME. Earlier, I cried, which usually signifies a breaking point, but it could just be a need for release.

I miss feeling intimately desired. Yes, a very selfish feeling. But, it is true and not to be confused with sexually desired. I miss that series of connections, that "I will always have your back" feeling. The inside jokes. The touch, the feel. (of cotton).

So many people bring so much to me and I thank the gods for you every day. Ironically, somehow that has had both a positive and a negative effect on me as well. The positives far outweigh the negatives, which is why I made the first statement of this paragraph. It has made me desire more and I am not saying particularly from any of you, just that I know I can and have a good man and should not accept anything less. But the longing...GRRRR.

I stopped thinking long enough to ramble on in this posting. Imagine that. I don't understand myself sometimes and yet not knowing someone else drives me nuts. Absolutely bonkers. I guess that is the other edge of the knowledgemongering sword.

And there is trust. Yes, still not fully okay with it. I am always tip-toeing across the rug jsut in case someone is going to slide it out from under me. In my life thuse, far most people have faded in and out, including my mother. It makes knowing what and when to share hard sometimes.

Words of advice to future me: Everyone has their own agenda, don't assume that you know what it is, but don't be surprised when it is exactly what you thought it might be. Also, continue your patience when dealing with other people's agendas, some lessons have to be learned first hand and can not be taught, even when it is painful to watch. Continue to love as a default.

I need more solid two way conversations. More dialogue, less monologue. Internal demons can only be exercised but setting them loose.

Okay, enough of that for now. :-)

Another Long Weekend Comes to a Close

I worked 4 events at Town and spent 4 nights in the city with friends (Thanks guys!)

Strangely, I don't feel like I have much to recap, but I will give it a go, anyhow.

July 3rd...Sam's Birthday & Freaks United at Town.

I hit the gym before work, but my body was oddly fatigued and did not want to be cooperative, so I don't feel as accomplished with the workout as I typically do. Oh well! Went to work and we were HELLA SLOW! So, I put in a text to the bar manager and asked about being the first out. And BANG I was out the door by 12:00. Met up with Cam, RB & CC at Apex for Kiddie Pool Night. It was about 150 degrees inside and was overall just disgusting minus the aforementioned persons and those with which we interacted. Cam & I cut out about 1:30 and began our LOTR walk back to Cam's with a quick stop to get my bags (Thx Eric). We ate some chicken & eggs, Absolut on the side and then retired.

Note: I require 1 LOTR style journey per weekend apparently. See also: the last 2 weekends, which I don't feel like linking.

July 4th... Uncle Sam's Birthday, BBQ & Upstairs Bar at Town.

After lounging a bit & watching some MGS4 action while reading Dirty Job, I donned my Union Jack shirt and headed for the Independence Day BBQ. I chatted with the interpreter for a good portion of the day, played some Trivial Pursuit & drank some liquid libations. At 8:45, texted a food order to Nellie's (thx Cam) and headed that way so I could be at Town by 9:30. July 4th was Town has Talent night, which I only got to hear about; however, Robbie won! Woot! Good job, my friend. For a synopsis, see The Diarist and his Part II for VIDEO. I spent most of my bartending evening serving those that were at the 4th party and other friends. Went to Annie's, got my "to go" omelette. Then, end scene.

Note (1): Omelette ingredients should be mixed not just lumped in to the omelette and butter really is not needed (Sorry Paula, it is true).

Note (b): Some people will still not just accept the humor of wearing a British flag on Independence Day.

Note (!): I am going to continue the weekend in this styling; however, I am realizing that I am not a big fan of this method.

July 5th...Nick's Birthday (guy from Town), The Frozen Wallet Killer, No Sleep

Woke up to half power in the Casa de Cam & Scottie. Scottie ever-resourceful was all first things first and moved the coffee pot into his bedroom where there was power so we could partake of some caffeine. Step #2 was reallocating power to insure internet and TV. (woot!) Watched French Kiss. I <3 Meg! Went to Town at 5:30 to do some data stuff and no one was!!!! So, after venturing up to Starbucks and coming back no one was to be seen still, so I walked my happy ass over to Nell's and chatted with Bill until we both had to go over to Town. During this period at Nellie's I was shown some images that I think may scar me for life (thx Nash) & I don't want to talk further about that. Got to Town, set up shop, & then just hung out with people until we opened. Tonight's interesting cases were: the 40something with horrid breathe who decided it was appropriate to hug/talk to me for about a minute & this little interaction:

(2:50ish, While I am talking to a friend) Guy walks up and slaps my hand. I turn, raise an eyebrow and look at him.

"Can I get a Voss?"

Guy looks at me really puzzled.
"I am sorry, I have no till."
"I have no register with which to sell you a water."
Guy still looks puzzled. Walks over to someone that I know, says a few things then walks off. I say to this person that I know, "Tell your boy that slapping a bartender's hand is not helping his cause."

(3:05ish, While I am working on cleaning up the bar) Same guy returns.

"Can I get a Voss?"
"No. I don't have a register, nor do I have the water, which has been put away."
Guy looks, smiles and stares. I start to walk to the side of the bar, he glides sideways to flow and stare.

"Now you are just being creepy."
"Did you just call me 'creepy'?"
"Yes, you are being creepy."
"You can't call me creepy, how am I being creepy. All I did was ask for a water." (begins throwing money behind my bar) "I am not creepy or cheap."
"I never called you cheap." (As I pick up his money and hand it back to him.) "You asked for a water, you slapped my hand earlier & now you are staring in a weird way."
"I slapped your hand?"
"Yes, you did."
"Oh." Guy walks off.

So, I finish around 4 am. Cam waited and walked with me back to his place. These is more to this but it involves writing, not being able to sleep and more reading.

Note: The biggest disadvantage of working the Frozen Bar is not the less money that you typically make there versus the main bar, but in actuality the inability to escape the weirdos. At the main bar, if someone is being weird, you can walk away, turn and talk to another bartender, etc. At the frozen bar, the machines don't talk back and you just have no where to go. Being located by the exit adds to the likelihood of having weirdos interact with you.

July 6th...Data Entry: Part II, Drag Pageant & SNK

After a little sleep, I woke and read some more. Sidenote: I pick up on moods and tend to mirror them, which has advantages and disadvantages (empathy...shrug) So, I gathered up my stuff from the 3 night stay (THX AGAIN!!!) and headed to Town around 3, after watching the tail end of Akeelah and the Bee. Did my data entry stuff, ate some fat girl food and went about my business of setting up the bar for night. Mitchell rocked out as server and rang over half of my sales, but if I have to make one more Scooby Snack (27)... I did enjoy how he slipped the 8 or 9 shot orders in after getting me to make other things and then he turned and walked off. Very smooth, mister! Anyway, we finished at Town and headed over for some Karaoke fun at Cobalt. I sang, not drunk. redeeming some cred after last weeks less than stellar outing. Waited outside for Robbie, poked fun at a drunk guy, who ran after someone we knew that sprinted off away from him. Weirdness. Sang some tunes with R & M on the ride to Anacostia, then watched some MGS4. Then Sleep.

So that was pretty much my weekend. I will have another posting tomorrow about lessons learned and other personal mumbo jumbo.

"What the fuck have you done lately?"

"Warning Signs" by Coldplay

So, my musical post of the week has to do with the band that has been stuck there all week and the song that started it all on Monday at about 12:15 pm. Just an approximation.

Not my favorite song of Coldplay's but one of the better ones anyway :-)

Hope you enjoy and I will post more about my world and the craziness therein, after this long long weekend. Happy Birthday Sam & Uncle Sam!


The Weekend That Was

It has been a long, fun weekend and such and now let me take you back to view the happenings.

Firstly, I must give a shout out of gratitude to Cam & Scottie for putting up with me for 3 nights in a row. Words alone can't express how wonderful you have been to me. Thank you so much!

Friday: Started at the gym at 4 pm. Helped a co-worker set up a facebook page at 5:30. Helped the roommate set up the Frozen Bar at 7. Went to Nellie's around 8:45, for Este's B-day, back to Town to work the main bar at 9:30. It was kinda dead (thank you NYC Pride) Overall, not a terrible night, I enjoyed seeing the trivia team out and about, etc.

Saturday: Woke up around 10:30 am, I think. Went to get a can of coffee at the store across the street from Cam & Scottie's place. Unfortunately, they were out of coffee, so began an LOTR journey, ending at a Starbuck's. I returned triumphantly with a bag of Guatemalan coffee, go me. Then, there was "WANTED". Very good movie! So much eye candy! Highly recommend this action movie! After the movie there was a trip to Best Buy, setting up of a PS3 & dinner at Thai Chef. Then, off to work at 7:30 pm. Frozen Wallet Killa. There was comedy in the form of..."Let's go get pancakes. Now."

Sunday: No clue when I woke up. it felt early still. Cam & I went to Francis' to swim and grill out after a quick stop at Whole Foods for some tasty treats to put on said grill.

-Some Notes about me and the pool: I am comfortable enough to where square cut swim trunks, I was not the palest person at the pool remarkably & is tasty.

After the swimming we went back to Cam's, the 3 of us plus Francis' roommate and Brian to drink and play the Wii. Dinner at Lorial Plaza. Then Cobalt for karaoke.

-Some notes about Cobalt: I will no longer sing after drinking more than 3 drinks (my apologies all), I should never start taking shots of warm Patron, I don't remember leaving (so, I probably did not say goodbye), I was beyond trashed (sorry, sorry, sorry)

I don't remember anything beyond singing at Cobalt, climbing into bed, climbing out of bed, getting sick, back to bed, repeat sickness, clean up, shower, bed. Passed out! Didn't stir once in the night.

Monday: Yes, not technically the weekend but whatever. Watched a portion of "The Last Kiss." Did lunch and a movie with Mitchell. "WANTED" again. I told you I liked it. Discussed my anger issues and just talked a lot which I missed so much while he was gone. Bought trunks at Universal Gear. Went back to Cam & Scottie's to retrieve my bags, so they knew I was really leaving. Caught the 6:50 train back to Manassas Park and here I sit, angry with Dell about needing to verify information and not being able to do so until 10 am tomorrow. GRRRRR!

Some fantastic notes overall:

- I love my friends! All of you are amazing! Thank you!
- Arguments can be intense, I hope I didn't wreck anyone's dinner.
- Angelina Jolie is just pure sex.
- I've had Coldplay stuck in my head since hearing them around noon today.
- I am not sure if I am really a good person, but I think I may be.
- I don't like how I feel right now.
- I miss living near the city.
- I love how random hilarity follows my friends and me.
- Misspelling "loom" as "loon" adds a whole new layer of comedy.
- If I did anything completely asinine yesterday, please tell me and I apologize in advance.

"What the fuck have you done lately?"

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